.i am joanni.

I AM BACK

2008-03-16T23:44:00.002+08:00

After 9 months of being disabled blogger i am back with the time and effort to do so. See, after struggling in our feasib, i had gone to practicum in a restaurant (where i have met my as of the moment boyfriend) and to another major time occupant - thesis and p.d. reports.

So why didn't i had the time to blog?

1. I had someone to talk to
2. I had someone to talks to me vividly
3. I had to read oblicon book before MWF
4. Accounting and B.A kept me buried with assignments
5. Thesis (need i say more?)
6. Hotel practicum (application and training) is exhausting
7. Expressing my thoughts is just a dial away - Didi.

So why do i have the time to blog now?

1. Ace Makiramdam has gone to Dubai
2. Loneliness fills me from moment to moment
3. My four years of college is kind of expiring
4. I am living a BUM's life
5. My free time is unlimited
6. I still have no plans of working since i have no clue what i want to do
7. Gossip girl - its in and made the blogging world go gaga over scandals and gossips

So back to having a boyfriend and kind of not having one: He had been so called "courting me" since he met me last April (during my resto prac at Mario's Kitchen Tiende) Got together last September 18 and he left for Dubai last February 10, this year. Got to admit, i cried for a week, and is still continuously crying. Fine, call me ma-drama, cause I also do think that im acting such, it was/still is very depressing for me. For you who can't understand, let me iterate to you this way : He was the first person who really cares about what I say. He is the only person i trust regarding my thoughts and my feelings. He is the only person I felt who cared for me (except for family). Having him away from me makes me feel all alone again.

summer

2007-06-02T14:45:00.000+08:00

Your True Love Is an Aries

Why you'll love an Aries:

An Aries has the red-hot seduction skills to woo you
Never boring, an Aries will give you the romantic challenge you crave!

Why an Aries will love you:

You have the intensity and energy to go head to head with your Aries...
And the undying passion to keep an Aries coming back for more.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

I had my practicum @ Mario's Kitchen. I finished my practicum. I went to boracay with my bros and cousins. I went back home from bora. A lot has happened this summer.

I met a lot people from different backgrounds and grew to love them. It definitely changed my perspective about life in general - from how i see things to how i act on them. I got to appreciate my self more and see how broad i used to see life.

I learned how to be more open and realize how i can find more friends who will appreaciate me more than how i previously were. I know now that i make sense and will continue to be.

I grew back to having a textmate. Its like living in the whole "gsm is new" era but to someone i met. Its complicated and vague to my view - kinda like a summer fling right? Will it last after summer? We'll see.

Whoala! Im still alive!

2007-03-23T17:04:00.001+08:00

Im alive! I survived.

This semester made cry, made me not go to sleep, made me worry like hell if id pass and cry again. And it all happened in one sem, i wasnt exactly expecting that it could all happen in 6 months' time lapse.
Physics was a headache (oh, no, not the lessons, the teacher who gave me 67 claiming i havent passed 2 lab experiments -which I DID, I DID.)
Feasib was, uhm.. ok. That's the problem, i was just ok.
Catering caused a lot of headaches and gaps among us (ok, not really us, just them)
and its all over now.
Thank God.

The thing now is, i have to have my practicum - and i dont want the place i was assignd. Ok, i chose mario's but at Tiende, not Morato. AYAW!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2007-01-01T17:15:00.001+08:00

After loads of research papers, quizzes, practical exams and interviews... i am now facing a new year full with sponsorship letters, MSQ analysis, catering contracts, a lot more interviews and functions. (Wait. Can i just breathe after that?)

Dang. A year that was, and a year that going to be. Well, on the bright side at least all these paper works keeps me thinking of how am i going to do it than thinking on how depressed i am.

Christmas was not the Christmas it has been, New Year was kinda like it also. Its just not the "old" holidays where everyone has the spirit to celebrate it. Where we think of it as an event to be just us. Now everyone seems to be concerned of everything else. Being an adult sucks - big time.

Now, not only do i have these effin' responsibilities, you are you - not needed to be pleased, not in need of surprise, not cute nor bubbly.

Yeah, what a start, im posting an entry that's on the negative radar and its new year. im just stressed and disappointed on how things turned out now. (yeah, now that im old enough to actually be given the permit to vote)

But its 2007. they say its lucky. im keeping my hopes up:D

BTW, what sucks more after these holiday season is the fact that im going back to school sporting 5 extra pounds! darn.

sad

2006-11-19T09:09:00.000+08:00

what's the negative side of being the one different gender from my siblings? i get left home alone.

its like being caught in the middle of adulthood and fairytale land - they grew up and were allowed to grew up and yet for me, i just grew up but was never allowed to do so. they can go out whenever thay want to but in my case, i can only go out whenever they want me to. sucky.

most of my friends would consider me one freakin lucky girl : having a ride to and from school, any gadgets i wanted nadanadanda... but really, am i happy?!

i was happier then when we didnt had any pc's, numerous televisions, a load of clothes and a sure ride to school. now, seems to me, happiness is brought about by the material gadgets we have. i mean, the category of what makes me smile then is way different from now. now its proven : one can't have the best of both worlds - its either be happy with yourselves or be happy with what you have - ofcourse i prefer the first but you can never be contented with just that. happiness is weird - our needs our weird. then we had shelter, security, a good but not great source of living and a lot of time for ourselves and our family. now, we have shelter, less security, a better source of living but we had to give up sunday getaways, family malling and going to church as a whole. yeah, it sucks. i just miss the old us.

look alikes

2006-11-16T10:23:00.000+08:00

i didn't notice this but kuya and john did...

see how they have such resemblance?

and before finding about that opinion i told them "crush ko yang nasa everwood"...yeah, no wonder why.

oh, i have a new fancraze: James Younghusband. I can't find a recent photo of the guy but he is currently playing for the RP team after being left from Chelsea F.C.

guilty

2006-11-15T20:32:00.000+08:00

i am guilty of tellin on of in the face "yoko nga!"

if i have to have some sort of consolation for myself, i am like that to most people - more so with those who keep on bustin' me around. its just that, this time, i have realized that he must have taken a lot of his guts to ask me that. boo me if you want to, but i didnt mean to hurt his feelings for any manner. but the thing is, i won't be able to last being his activity partner for a long span of time - he just - negates my character. he's so like me that its irritating that i have a male version, much even worst than i am. he's so persistent and insensitive in sooooo many ways that gets really irritating to withstand. I may feel sorry in a way, but what should have i done? I woudn't agree on it in any way - anyway. More so, a lot of people might make up of fictional stories with it - i can't stand issues especially the thought that other people are talking about you without you knowing what they are realy conversing about but you know that its you. Does that sound so conceited? I dunno how to rephrase it in anyway that it wouldnt sound too off, but, whatever.

Post-Vacation Syndrome

2006-11-12T09:57:00.000+08:00

Running through my past entries, it seems that i have a detest on either my professors or classmates on the first weeks of school. Is this a "post-vacation syndrome"?

Maybe or maybe not. See, the thing now, i have a professor who I think doesn't believe in me. Get that? It's like whatever i do, she'll never recognize me for what I am and what I do. It sucks to feel that way. Fine, its alright to not recognize me, or just don't notice me at all but to know that she sees you and yet she doesnt like you, darn, that sucks.

What's worst than not understanding what she teaches is the thought that she's watching you to fall apart. Maybe because of freakin' expectation that had built up when we first encountered her, or some other reason, but i feel that im not a student learning my way up in a healthy learning environtment. I feel terrorized and she's waiting for me to commit an effin mistake. WHAY IS THAT?! It would be much better if im just aware of what the darn thing I did to make her feel that way than like now im freakin clueless!

Emptiness

2006-11-07T14:23:00.000+08:00

Emptiness - An emotion of either being drained or solitary

Tears - One of the means to express joy, upset, sorrow, worry, defeat

On either of those i dont know where to exactly stand and point out what i felt or how i reacted. Empty for something i dunno, crying for something i have no idea of.

Given the fact that i was literally alone in the house which might have constituted the whole scenario, i feel like i am missing something. I thought i was happy, i thought i was stable, i thought i was complete... until i started crying for no reason at all yesterday. What's wrong with me?

Maybe i need change, maybe i need to change, but on what aspect? What's MISSING IN ME?

To add to my upset, Ms. Ursula/Batista is my Professor in 2 courses. darn. Hello stress, more upset and unending research. Maybe i do learn something from her, the bad thing about it is learning in pressure - like you'll commit a mistake in everything you do, on everything you say and she'll cut you on your back once you commit these things. She likes other people to perpetrate a mistake then here she comes to rebuke and tell the hell of you that you did it wrong. Its like, IM THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES RIGHT IN HERE. Well, if she just taught those things before then we should have avoided doing it, if only she TEACHES and not leave us hanging on textbook and internet researches. On the other hand, did I really learn anything from her exept to be scared the hell out of her? I guess, there are, but most i burned just to let her off my memory.

middle of everything

2006-11-06T16:51:00.000+08:00

the weather reminds me of the month of June making me more realize how i need to go back to school...yeah, the most despressing month of all.

i've been playing triple jack non-stop, its like my ultimate finalfantasyXI (compare to John).

i dunno if because im watching a lot of freakin movies, or i dunno, i feel, lonely? I'm happy ok? Im not depressed or anything, its just that, i feel that im not living. im not excited about anything, im not sad, im emotionally dull. Ok, so most people, would think that i need a boyfriend, but i beg to disagree, i guess i just need a little adventure or i guess. dah. have to get past this, i might just be getting old yet not enough.

rain in the cemetery

2006-11-03T09:46:00.000+08:00

For how many times in my life did i purposely and unpurposely showered myself in the rain? can't remember (since i did not intentionally planned to count it), but i know that i was in gradeschool the last time i did - that changed now. Imagine us -kuya, ate jo & john - soaking wet walking briskly (no, we can't run since the ground seeps our steps) to get into the car last Nov.1 from Tito Danny's burial ground. Yeah, what a day!

in 2 days im back to running late, compiling reports & writing notes. its weird that we only enjoy our vacation on the time its near school time again... hehe!

sembreak

2006-10-26T15:16:00.000+08:00

for some reason, i felt bad after seeing my grades. true enough that it is way higher than my previous ones but it just didn't compensate for the ones i expected to have - yeah, expectation is a damn thing. i wish i have done my shopping after i saw my grades...damn.

Here's a bulleted update of my sembreak deeds:

Organized my closet (color coded way)
Got tanner and a worstened ulcer from an overnight swimming
!Shopping! at tutuban
Washed my barbie dolls

So for the last 2 weeks, i got 4 eventful things i got going... well, atleast i had something eh?

vacation time

2006-10-13T23:09:00.000+08:00

then i got to have a vacation. 1st sem is over, and God, do i not await the second one. I can't even imagine myself applying in a hotel for our practicum! Anyway, here are some of our after humanities play pictures!

alas! exam week

2006-10-07T14:58:00.000+08:00

Only now would i say that i have been able to breathe at the beginning of a finals week. God, its good to feel unpresssured.

I PASSED BEV PRACTICAL EXAM!

2006-10-05T15:09:00.000+08:00

YES, it has to be in all caps. How blessed and lucky can i more get? God really shows you how He listens (ang all the saints, the souls in the purgatory, the holy spirit and of course, Virgin Mary).

In a pile of randomly folded papers of 29 drink names, i got Tequila Sunrise! I may not have had perfected it nor got a line of 9 grade, but dang! i was expecting a 60! I was already imagining my self telling Ma'am G, "Ma'am hindi ko po alam..."

Hai... Now i can start breathing normally again. Wow.

Events to go:

B.A term paper presentation
Humanities play

I am really hoping that we'll also do well tomorrow. Oh please. Oh, btw, for some reasons (that i have no idea of until now) we got a tie as a best group with JJ's group in cost... another IMAGINE THAT?!

2006 UAAP Men's Bball Champions plus more!

2006-10-02T21:24:00.000+08:00

Fine. The title is totally unfair, i know i have to recognize more people than the tigers bball team, but heck that game was one of the best rubber match i have seen! It was clean, it was just, it was a good match! Thanks to Pido Jarencio's "Never-Say-Die Attitude" plus i guess his lucky charm!

CONGRATULATIONS to the TIGERS VARSITY TEAMS! GO USTE!

**sana free day bukas**

luzon blackout

2006-09-30T10:31:00.000+08:00

i have not experinced having an electricfan for tyhe past two days. having no electricity when you have grown up with it is unbearable - No TV, Internet, Aircon. I can't even do my reports! When have you seen me blogging in netopia? Only NOW.

detest

2006-09-23T18:38:00.000+08:00

Now i seem to detest everything. First, ces' & dada's tikoy and now my own school. Maybe due to the relentless thought of my responsibilities and compromises or to the unruly lack of sleep. i lack sleep. i do.

just thinking about the things i have to accomplish makes me restless already, how bout more in doing it?

things to do:

Marketing report
Costing report
RC decade introduction (show of talents)
RC props
Memorize Bev. Recipes
Beverage presentation of brown drinks
Spanish dialogue
Practice play

Yesterday, everything Drew says irritates me - from his egocentricness to his dedication to DLSU. To add to my dismay, he constantly teases my "admiration" to japs (which BTW, doesnt exist anymore). and just this afternoon, i felt unbelivably abhoored of my own school - UST. Its just that, people in there, or the guards are unbelievably inconsiderate. Fine, there are rules, regulations that were set and that are set to be followed but they should at least LISTEN and try to approach you respectfully not SARCASTICALLY! Now, every little thing that i didn't like in there seem to pop up in me and i don't know if i'll feel ashamed/sad/disappointed or still be proud. From the moment a guard derisively remarked of me passing by the car gate (like HELLO? I was a freshman and I wasn't aware! He could have atleast told me properly that I was passing by the wrong way and not thru "Sasakyan ka ba?" or "Tingnan mo ito prang hindi nakikita!" - eh nd ko naman tlga nkita!) to how they allow civilians get inside yet if we - the students, they become suddenly all strict! To add to my dismay to these so called "guards", instead of helping you out when you are holdapped, they'll let the holdpper run away, just to save effort. THEY DON'T CARE ABOUT THE STUDENTS! Another thing, they'll let a cab get in but not a private car! Argh!

shop-ping!

2006-09-16T20:03:00.000+08:00

WHAT UP?

drafted RC props
went to tutuban with a whole cast - Ces, Da, Egie, Analyn, Mitch & Nhem
bough a shirtdress!
3 shirts
shorts
and bermuda pants ;P
commuted back home with Sa & Egie
entertained a new cast - Dods, Egie, Ana, JJ, Klariz & Mitch
watched Just My Luck (Yes, the increadibly CHEESY movie)...again (well, that's what they wanted to see)

Iba talaga ang pakiramdam pag ang dami kong nabili parang...

Fine can't compare it to anything since i feel different in every situation so i'll name that feeling - SHOP HAPPY! WHAT UP?! Haha! Too bad I wasn't able to buy from converse and adidas since those clothes just won't fit in my body... and nadanadanada. I just find those stuff too boring to eleborate with. Anyway... we weren't able to finish the props as it was planned. (Yes, because we have plans of going to Tutuban)

and I SHIFT! Yes, like to a totally unforseen topic. Well, Sa & I have been talking about crushes so you see... I'll share my thoughts:

Crushes are there to let us experience how to feel humiliated (and conscious)
Never trust anyone who doesn't belong to your group (kada), cause even if they say they won't, they would BLAB
Guys have such BIG EARS! They kind of have this gigantic megaphone stuck on their auditory nerves

Those are the reasons why: I hate having a crush; Don't spill my secrets to strangers(metaphor); and don't speak of anything sacred near a guy's radar.

Other reasons for me hating myself when i have a crush include: ME being uberly conscious of my look, actions and words and of course, shy around that person. And seems to me, everytime i like someone, i just do the wrong things and speak of unwanted words! AHHghhh right?

I don't know why, but a person changes once he/she starts liking someone : from the intentions to the expressions, it just changes. Most of the time, it comes out negative instead of the other way around... in the persuit of being good, it comes out bad. In the liking to be liked, the more a person becomes disliked. IRONIC huh? so some advice, in liking someone:

Be TRUE to yourself and show the real person you really are
Don't change
Don't insist or push yourself
Show the clues but don't over do (Just to make the person aware but not indulged)

Yes, another ironic thing, a NBSB giving some relationship advice. I know. But it just doesn't happen to me, everything just doesn't fit. But who knows maybe someday it would... maybe someone would have the guts to impress me. (Yes, I Wish ;P)

2006-09-09T21:07:00.000+08:00

hello blog readers! (well, im guessing i have some since my blogpatrol is ticking) any-how, i managed to survive the vindictive attack of food contamination - to specify the food, zagu at UST parking lot. talk about cramping the hell out of your stomach at the middle of the night! zagu-ust-NEVER AGAIN!

i finished watching How I Met Your Mother this afternoon (which i started watching last night). yes, its a series, kinda like friends, with kind of the same setting, and im guessing kind of the same route to ending. oh, don't get me wrong, it's going to be legen-DARY! it starts doogie howser - remember him?

watchin these shows whose plot goes around relationships - havinga nd finding one, makes me think of my own.

Ted : I know why i can't find a girlfriend... I'm Picky.

yeah, kinda like me huh? oh no, totally like me. i just find everybody not good enough for me, i know that sounds so egotistic, but im picky. i want the whole package, i want it whole not part by part. and to make it worst, i dunno if i like somebody or not. i'm like a guy. i think im more boy than some of the real boys in my block. most often, i can relate to guy's feelings than of gals. is it because i grew up with 2 of the like?

i dunno if i would ever find that without me doing anything - cause im a firm believer that guy's do all the moves and not the girl. unfortunately, all guys i seem to like are people i don't know.

Crush

2006-09-03T09:09:00.000+08:00

Having a crush with someone you don't personally know is dispecable... and plain pathetic. Why? Cause you only live with it in your dreams if not, in your pure imagination.

Yes, that's how pathetic i am - cause i only have crushes in my dreams (by dreams, in my definition, plain mocking of my head) For some reason i cannot develop any feelings nor open up with someone i personally know - for i know their faults, discrepancies and imperfectness. or they just don't pass my standards eh? What's bad about it is, i only live in my head. In person, I AM DEAD (well, figuratively). As most people would say, "you are not living unless you are capable of opening up to someone". Sucky huh? I KNOW.

When would i stop dreaming and stop living? Well, probably when my dreams have come true and most likely also the time i would love. (cheesy huh?)

hysterical

2006-08-29T23:01:00.001+08:00

i got a picture with japs cuan!

yes, as usual, i was hysterical. i was speaking of their names like as if i am in a ball game full of cheerers and i am in now way to be heard but the difference is - there ain't no cheerers, and yes, a lot of people heard me! plus, after having the shot i was - grrhhh.. hopping like crazy (imagine that huh?)! and again, only after all the excitement do i realize how humiliating i acted - yes AGAIN. when would i stop doing this??! the only consolation i got i that he doesn't know me and it would be far from he seeing me again (since this is the first time i saw him ever even if i have been in ust for 3 years already).

A-ny-way, Bandila reported that Arellano is allegedly involed in the leakage since George Cordero (the one pointed as the source) is an Alumni of the university and my mom being the dean of the College of Nursing is also the owner of the R.U.N. dang ryt? and they claim themselves as responsible media. they are creating a story by putting small pieces of facts together and making it look as a fact it self, for that they are creating an arguement which is concluded by a fallacy - sweeping generalization. True, George Cordero is indeed an alumni of Arellano. True, my mom is both the dean and part owner of R.U.N. But what is their evidence for their claim? Are those who testified even sure that Arellano was there? Have they seen before their eyes my mom? (even if we were on laguna that day?)

ulcer

2006-08-14T22:58:00.000+08:00

having gastric ulcer (again) feels like shit! i can't study, i have eaten more than 500kcal just for dinner and still i have to eat more just to have this subside. for months i have refrained from eating after i have eaten dinner, and whola! what sacrifice could not be avoided just to have pain go away in your body.

what's worst is that when i tell them what im feeling, i only get... "yan kasi hindi kumakain!","bat ba kayo naghahanap ng sakit? ang dami-daming pagkain diyan bat niyo tinitipid? kumain ka nga!","sa umaga, kung kumain dalawang subo!". i mean, really, are you monitoring what i place into my mouth? i know i don't eat that much of a quantity but i eat what i can eat and what is appropriate for my body. the thing is, the people want me to bloat out!

abhorrence

2006-08-11T09:51:00.000+08:00

Its sucky to have a feeling of detest against other people, much more be the one abhored upon. I mean, i've got no exact proof of this sentiment, but these stuffs are radared (or i guess, i have a radar on this things). I know the words, the actions or the reactions used when you loathe someone - cause i use that too!
What's more sucky is that i have no idea what i did wrong, or how i did wrong. I know i ain't perfect, and im not the best person around, but atleast tell me when you hate something about me so that i can do something about it. Grievance is such a harsh regard, and i hate that.

I wish people can be less covetous. less cynical. more liberal. more altruistic.

update!

2006-08-02T21:22:00.000+08:00

thou i frequently make it a habit of speaking about my friends, i make it a point that they would not 1.look bad 2. feel bad and 3. be mad at me. its just that, i think that its their life for me to actually put that much ponder on and blab about it too much. o-k enough of much.

one thing about me that i hate is that in me trying to protect my friends, i turn out to be hurting them more. i know im justifiable but i know what is right (talk about being an idealist based on a psychological tickle exam). as much as i want to wake people up, they just don't. as much as you want to let them realize what a fool they are making themselves with, they don't learn. its sad that most of the time it turns out that way, for it is a given fact that one would do what one would do.

confrontation is a problem here in our country. seems that, people, can't tolerate those. but i don't, making me one being who confronts a lot of people.

a-ny-way, my mp3 player isn't operational since Drew, for reasons he himself isn't aware of, made my volume button stuck and unclickable. good thing he takes responsibility for it, and i like that. i appreaciate those people who admit their faults, for i know, most won't.

sleeping in front of tv

2006-08-01T00:39:00.000+08:00

the habit of sleeping while watching television is kind of a habit now - i watch a show/movie-wait for adbreak or be bored-nightynyt fellas! and i do not do it intentionally, i'll be shocked that i had fallen a sleep when i woke up! it's like... what the hell happened?! how come i am only seeing the credits?!

a-ny-way. for some reason i felt bad this day. what's worst about it is that i have no idea what im feeling bad for! dang! right?

friday night

2006-07-28T21:49:00.000+08:00

The thing about friday night is - everybody's out and yet im indulging myslef to the ever liable dsl connection and cable tv. So what's bad in that? Nothing, really, just me NOT HAVING A SOCIAL LIFE.

As much as I want to go out, i have to consider certain amount to variables:

The people I'm going out with
The place
The persons i'll be able to hang-out on (i mean, i could drag around and all)
The conviction of my DAD and MOM.

So fine of having people ask you to join them, but im not really comfortable budging into to people if im not used to hanging out with them. Oh, God, im so sucky. Yeah, gotta change that! *gotta change that*

I wish i could go out next time, this sucks.

new layout

2006-07-26T21:33:00.000+08:00

i got a new layout! and i made it myself... uhm, well, not completely. the structure (skeleton), i got it from blogskins, and its really awful of me not to include her. so, yeah, sorry!

anyway, i think its time for me to have a new outlook in life. besides, i don't live in one distinct horizon, and one way or another, i'll change to expand it. im trying out this new attitude of being open to possibilities, seizing the day and all. i guess its now time that i do that considering mg 18 years of self-refuge. so, yeah, got my skin?

see, im not emotionless... and maybe i do love, the only question is WHEN.WHERE.WHO. yeah, all W's. so i may not completely be submerged to the thought of it, but atleast im giving it an opening or sort.. go it now? (yeah, like as if anyone cares right?)

what comes around goes around

2006-07-21T10:22:00.000+08:00

what comes around, goes around...

yes, that's what i've heard. there has to be a time to lie low and some to soar high. last week was all good, though now isn't that bad really its just not better as it was.

if i could only figure out what i really want and what i don't, i guess my life as a NBSB would be pretty much less complicated. i know i type completely vague thoughts and i mumble completely vague words - for i don't want to be concrete on this things. its hard to be exact when you don't know what you want and when to get it.

2006-07-15T11:03:00.000+08:00

im a sucky party thrower. i guess i really have to learn from Van Wilder or sort. So yeah, i have really appreciated those who came, my blockmates and kada! Love them much!

my birthday

2006-07-13T11:29:00.000+08:00

Now, tell me, how more blessed can i be? i wanted now to be a no-classes-day and whoala! NO CLASSES! the only thing is, rarely than ever do i plan to have a party and whoala! a STORM is in our country! Yes, LUCKY ME. Yes, the last one was sarcastic.

I posted an entry yesterday, but as sucky as it might be, i was not uploaded by blogger. The only thing i remembered saying was that i grow up only in age not in size (yes, of length and of breast). Haha!

GOD, let me see the sun! *Sings He're Comes the Sun by The Beatles* Oh! then again, it might make it worst. Yes, please let me have a merry merry merry birthday party! PLEAASSEE...

no classes!

2006-07-12T11:58:00.000+08:00

Classes has just been suspended for us - its just the way in ust when a sudden splash of rain comes thru.

Anyway, it my bday tom! im turning 19 (yes, sad but true), im getting older, but not just physically (i really wonder when i would start having a breast and start to look like an adult). Maybe i am meant to be a guy? Oh, that sucks. Hahaha!!

I am really wishing for a fair weather this friday. God, it doens't happen every year that i decide to actually celebrate my birthday, and now, here comes the rain! Yeah, im so unlucky. That's the main reason i hate to plan for anything, it just doesn't go well - in turn, a disappointed moi.

endorsement

2006-07-06T02:02:00.000+08:00

Last night, i prayed for something, and the day after, though not so exactly as i said, it kinda happened. its so odd. Wow! God works in mysterious ways! (yes, erase love)

Anyway, Tricia, for some reason is endorsing Drew to me. Though she has been doing this to me for a span of time already (which made me kinda got used to it), i dunno, its different - she conived with Arman! Hindi ko alam kung pinagtritripan ba ako nun o ano, sabi pa sakin...

"Wani, May irereto kami sayo!.. Payag ka?"

..."Sige na payag ka na!"

And here's the description..

Mayaman (yes, kelangan tlga kasamang mayaman no?), maputi, chinese, maliit lang, gwapo un! Laging naka-body bag! (arman added)

I thought they're refering to someone i don't know since why would they do that if i do, but they kept on insisting about the height and chinese.. yeah, drew came up to my mind! hehe! what made me doubt was the body bag... cause empoy's the only one who does carry one, but he is not chinese nor maliit! haha!

I dunno why she keeps on doing this, wala namag interes sa akin ung tao eh,, (or how i see it)...

the thing about A.I and a closed minded humanities prof

2006-07-01T17:37:00.000+08:00

so, the thing about A.I. is that she is getting to egie-lyn, doña and dada 's nerves. now, why not in mine? here's why:
1. i nod. i smile. i agree. but it just doensn't get in me.
2. i know she's bragging, but like i care?
3. i know im a much better person than her, so why bother?

i told dada last thurday (while we were on the topic) that i am not bothered by A.I since i know that we are on different levels - yes, braggy huh? and i explained that i would not put up to her level since i know im in a much higher level (as a creature, hehe!) than hers. and i further made a comparison...

"para kang pumapatol sa katulong, sa mga chismisan nila..."

and ces replied, "so katulong si A.I?"

and i said, "no! eto naman, nd mo ma-gets ung comparison..."

....

"parang pumapatol ka sa hindi mo dapat patulan..."

God, do i just say the wrong words or what? haha! and to add up to that, i told them that maybe i could confont A.I.. which they all rejected saying that "barkada niya nga hindi siya k-confront tayo pa.." and of course, the ever defending-myself-attitude of mine prevails by saying "atleast para malaman niya, kaysa naman ganito pinag-uusapan natin siya sa likod niya, wala man lang siyang kaalam-alam..."

but i have not confronted her. not now, when i have just recently confronted someone, and i suppose he didn't accept it too well. argh.

and yeah, i have a close-minded, anti-social, and freak-o humanities prof. would you tell your students that they are like the itas in front of class?

assignments suck

2006-06-19T22:04:00.000+08:00

i wonder why professors give such crappy assignments on the first week/day of classes. those type where answers are either not found on the internet or you'll have to freakin' suffer near eye-sight-loss just to find it. and what i hate most about it? i have to write it by hand!

im just so not yet in the mood to open books, more so, understand them. God, when did I get this so L-A-Z-Y? (oh yeah, since i understood the word)

2006-06-11T16:51:00.000+08:00

im braces free!! look:

i also had my hair done... see the whole revamped moi:

the highlight only goes side-swiped my bangs... though i wanted it platinum (to look kinda like rouge's) it might be too radical for my building - i might just end up coloring it back to black! i really hated it being yellowish/gold since its so common, but that's how it ended up.. yeah.. sucky.

the same feeling

2006-06-03T09:41:00.000+08:00

last year, i have posted an entry regarding how i felt every time an acedemic year starts... now i feel, again, the same way.

i have not even started going to school even, but just the thought that i would - makes me already feel the same way. it sucks when i feel that i don't fit in - more so when i feel that i have no one who understand how i feel. its not that i don't really fit in, but in a way, i do really not fit in.

iwas kasi ako sa tao. i am not the type of person who'll go and stick myslef to other groups and join their convo. its just that, i feel, that i am being EPAL - and i am in no way want to be such.

this weather.

2006-05-30T11:14:00.000+08:00

everytime this time of the year comes, i get to feel nostalgic. even if i have then felt that we should have really moved to another abode, it was in time that i have realized that i do love that old house of ours. too bad our laptop that was stolen has all the pictures we had there...

--------------------------

once again, i have another addiction, believe it or not, its PBB teen edition. i don't think i need explain more - its for teens. and for the first time (yes through the history of my life) kinilig ako - Kim & Gerald. Jologs ko noh? But heck who cares?

2006-05-23T23:33:00.000+08:00

Your True Love Is a Capricorn

Why you'll love a Capricorn:
Hard working and driven, a Capricorn will work overtime to win your heart.Be prepared to get wined and dined, even once you're convince that your Capricorn is the one!
Why a Capricorn will love you:
You don't rush things. You know it will take a while for a Capricorn to trust you, and you can wait.Social and outgoing, you can introduce normally shy Capricorn to a great circle of friends.

What Sign Is Your True Love?

something i dont want to tell

2006-05-23T22:18:00.000+08:00

i wanna tell something but i can't. i now know that this blog is too exposed to people i am personally connected to which are included in my everyday life.

God, it sucks when you don't have a channel to release what you want to say!

On the other hand, summer class is over, and though it was dragging to wake up at 5.00 in the morning, i has so much done this semester. I got to commute going to Cavite (where we had our resort interview at Water Camp), i was able to interview a F.O manager and walk all-over Malate looking for a motel. All of course were done with my groupmates who shares the same love of those experiences. It paid off well anyway, we got flat 1 on our presentation and written report but even if we had not, those "journeys" were unreplaceble, and those alone is already worth the enervate.

Now, i have to rejuvanate my energy and release all the stress before the next semester. There would be traffic, there would be much more stress, there would still be Accounting. I hope we have the same time period in normal semesters as we have on a summer. It is less wearing since you'll think less of all that you have to accomplish, plus everything seems to be ending so fast. Its not hard to rember lessons since quizzes happen atleast every 2 days and the period of thinking that you'll have to accomplish this and that ends so fast that it wouldn't stress the hell out of your mind.

The thing i really wanna post, uhm, maybe not.

Iyong tao naman na gusto kong paratingan nun hindi binabasa itong blog ko. Wala naman kasing pakialam iyon sa akin e, sana nga meron, pero kahit anong paramdam ko, pakiramdam ko, wala talaga. o pakiramdam ko lang wala pero meron? Ang hirap niyang pakiramdaman. O maling mensahe lang talaga pinaparating ko?

2006-05-14T18:39:00.000+08:00

You Are An Intro-Extrovert!

Sometimes you're social - sometimes you're shyYou've got a bit of an Introvert / Extrovert split going onYou enjoy all sorts of situations. Parties, small groups, and alone time.Too much of one, and you'll long for the other. You need varity!Chances are, you've got both serious and fun friends - and they don't get along.

Are You An Extrovert or Introvert?

now, you understand what the hell i was talking about wth my previous post (the one with i wanna tear my ear off)?

a thing from friendster

2006-05-05T20:30:00.000+08:00

i got this from friendster bulletin and this is so true.

(well, for my case...)

----------------JULY--------------

Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult tofathom and to be understood. Quietunless excited or tensed. Takes pride inoneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled.Honest. Concerned about people'sfeelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.Emotional temperamental andunpredictable. Moody and easily hurt.Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Notrevengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.dislikes nonsensical and unnecessarythings. Guides others physically andmentally. Sensitive and formsimpressions carefully. Caring and loving.Treats others equally. Strong sense ofsympathy. Wary and sharp. Judgespeople through observations.Hardworking. No difficulties in studying.Loves to be alone. Always broods aboutthe past and the old friends. Waits forfriends. Never looks for friends. Notaggressive unless provoked. Loves to beloved. Easily hurt but takes long torecover. Repost this in the next 5 minsand your reputation will boost somewayin the next 12 days

i am a commuter

2006-04-28T18:33:00.000+08:00

i can now declare that

I AM OFFICIALLY A COMMUTER.

yes, i was the one who paid my pamasahe. yes, i was the one who said "sa tabi lang po".yes, i did it all alone. i am so proud of myself!

yesterday was the first time for me to ride an FX with no one i know of with me. and i will never forget that day even when i felt totally screwed up that morning.

pasensya na sa mga nabababawan sa akin, ayun kasi yung isang bagay na gusto kong gawin pro hindi ko magawa kasi, una, hindi ako pinapayagan, pangalawa, natatakot ako na baka may mangyaring masama at hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko.

on the other side of things, hega also officially stopped teasing me today! a big !yahoo! to that! things are getting better with what i feel about what egie feels around me and something else i'd rather not share in here (baka may nagbabasa nito na hindi ko alam eh).

even if this is my own blog, i don't completely entrust my feelings and thoughts in here - c'mon this is published for the entire world-wide-web browsers to read! besides, the other thing i don;t wanna share isn't that certain yet. it comes and it goes. so when the time comes that its already true, official and can be declared - i'll post it in here.. hehe!

for now, ciao!

ka-feelingan

2006-04-26T17:16:00.000+08:00

ang hirap mapunta sa sitwasyon kung saan pakiramdam mo lagi kang pinaguusapan. hindi ko alam kung bakit, hindi ko alam kung ano, hindi mo alam kung maganda ba o pangit and sinasabi tungkol sayo. pati kaibigan mo hindi mo na sigurado kung ano ang tingin talaga sayo.

since hega started teasing me regarding he alledegedly crushing on me, it feels like everyone is already putting me on their daily chismis. NO, HINDI AKO NAGFEFEELING OK? (Just in case somebody reads this and mistakenly puts meaning behind this words, Im just making sure) That's the first and foremeost reason i call it a tease - since it is. Its not true - no, not in mere imagination. For some reason i dunno, that self-coniving guy seems to be concealing something, i don't know what, but he is one eveil lad to put me into it!

anyway, i had now seen the reality of these things - both the flattery and bitterness. on one side, its nice to hear that somebody else other than your mother appreciates you on the downside, the negative feedbacks you receive from ther people. AGAIN, hindi ako nagfefeeling ok? Im just putting into point the tendency of how people react on these situations.

I just want to state it clear, that no one really has a crush on me, someone just fakely claims about it. The problem is, not all people see it that way - many would actually see it in a different way. Some would put meaning, some would think of possibilities... and some are just...nah!

if i could only make it happen that the one i like to be the one bugging me about things... WAIT! do i even like anyone? haha! ;P

2006-04-25T22:19:00.000+08:00

so i like him... NOT!

i hate these people who'll let you like them then leave you hanging like, God, do you actually expect of me to like you?

fine. If you don't like me nor any mere chance of being attracted to me, the get the hell out of my area of surronding. Stop being near me, stop noticing me, JUST STOP!

2006-04-21T19:45:00.000+08:00

and i survived the first week. as chico & delamar would say, "if you'd survive the first week, you'll be able to get through it" (or atleast something like that ;P)

yes, i have been waking up every 5am since monday and i have not got a continous six hours of sleep since then. oh its irksome. plus add the fact that we have to do some unsearchable research papers and to go through very frequent quizzes considering that we a normal week in a semister is gone through only 2 days in a summer class.

anyway, other than the fact that i have to go to those classes 5 days a week, i have to bear with me hega's non-stop tease. God. At firts it was bearable, but hear it second per second everytime im around his sight... OH GOD...i wanna tear my ear off!

Fine. He has this unstoppable mouth and very hyper active personality, but im not like that - admittable truth. I have this characteristic of being sociable for a time and totally be timid and enclosed a second after. Plus the egie incident, making it so disturbing - i dunno how to actually react. Everyone has their own interpretation, everyone has their own agenda. I don't know why the hell hega won't stop tormenting me with acts but it is affecting some people. Mimay believes it has something in it making Egie think likewise. Oh why do they have to attach me in this?

How i wish someone i like was the one teasing me. How I WISH.

2006-04-14T23:11:00.000+08:00

time works like a snap - you'll anticipate it and whoala! even before you get to capture it, it's gone. so enough of these abstract comparisons since no one would ever be curious enough to even follow through these kind of entries. not that im writing for anyone since it is for a fact that i would choose these write-ups not be read...

i'm so weird.

yes, im a self-confessed weirdo. even me gets surprise to what the hell i think of or impulsively do.

so, anyway, im back to USTe at monday. It sucks since i would have to wave hello to 5am alarms but acceptable due to my preference of being active than a bummer. one thing is for sure - i don't want to be the pig i was before. I insanely want to retain my current weight and figure but that won't happen if i continue to bum around and stick everything i see edible on my mounth!

blabbing about my eating habits i bet is irritating for others to hear. GOD. i think they would start tearing their ears off the next time i would start procrastinating about how fatty foods are. hehe!

by the way, this holy week was the only (yes, ONLY) holy week that we were not obliged by ma to go with the prusisyon and have a holy thursday mass. its so unsual.

a dream

2006-04-11T17:50:00.000+08:00

i enrolled. i got home. i took a nap. i had a dream.

yes, a real dream. the one which people has when one is asleep. i didn't think about it nor thought about anything related to it before i slept - it just came into me in a dream.

Every dream is connected with your own "reality". Thus, in interpreting your dreams, it is important to draw from your personal life and experiences.

--Dreammoods.com

ok, so i had a post before of that guy i kept on thinking about which i would never would like in reality. then, here he comes in my dream (which i peculiarly remembered) saying to his friends, that he really likes me. what a dream right? haha!

fine. i'll post it in detail since i bizzarely remember it anyway...

i am in a room with people i know of - but in able to hide the identity of that guy, i'll keep those people in a general identity- so anyway, i'm there hanging out with them and is sitting beside that guy. ok, then, he pulls my head to lie on his shoulder and i oddly falls a sleep (or somethind like that). after a short while (when i was already asleep) he suddely tells his friends (who we are hanging out with) of how could he tell me that he really like me.

now, i want to connect that dream to my own reality. does that mean i REEAAALLY l-i-k-e that guy? i mean, why the hell would i dream of that incident? is that how i really want my reality to happen? OH GOD. i don't like him, but i do.

but then again, its better for me to don't... since in reality, it won't happen that way.

BUMMING UPDATE

2006-04-09T10:12:00.000+08:00

So I got a new phone...

SE w550i

its good. its funky. its not common. and that's what i love about it. its new that i posted my phone in here, but heck, i didn't l-o-v-e me Nokia phone, why would i bother posting about it?

yeah, so here's my BUMMING UPDATE:

Monday

Did Cardio Work-Out trying to keep up with the Kung-Fu Hussle CD. DAMN! that was exhausting...

Tuesday

Brought my uniform for alteration at Centerpoint. Timingly, Ma and Auntie Digs are going to Greenhills to return the Motorazr Uncle Santi has bought. We went we them and so, John and I had a new phone! Haha!

It was obviously not planned, so what ever we saw good, oh i like that! Haha! but I REALLY LIKE MY PHONE.

Wednesday

Auntie Day and Tito Medel with Archie had lunch with us. Then i went to Mela's house - the 3 of us: Mela, Bondz and Moi spent the whole afternoon updating with each other's lives. BONDING MOMENT huh? - TRULY. we watched Shakesphere in Love and Me, Mine & Yours (with Drake in there)

Thursday

Stuck in the house whole day p.e.r.i.o.d

Friday

Went to Ateneo with John. That bastard chose his Alma Mater for U.P - that was U.P idiot! Only 6% of the whole population who took that exam were the only ones who passed UPD! But can't blame him, with mama's unending persuation - which BTW, is irritating, - i'd also choose the opposite.

Saturday

Bummed at home.

I would be back to school in a week. DAAMMMNNN...

unavoidable thoughts

2006-03-31T01:19:00.000+08:00

i dunno why. i dunno how. but i kept on dreaming/thinking about a person and every time i do, i ask my self whether i have a crush on him BUT when i actually see him in person its a big NA-UH.

parang, sige joanni, isipin mo na lang, kasi pag nakikita mo na siya, hindi mo talaga siya magugustuhan!

maybe because im the type of person who sees the bad of everybody or he is just bad in any way. ARGH. how can i be such person? or rather, how did i become such person? HOW THE HELL WOULD I BE POSSIBLE TO LIKE SOMEONE THIS WAY? I would never have a boyfriend. GOD.

blogging

2006-03-26T10:01:00.000+08:00

seems like i am the only person updating my blog so quite often. maybe because i am the only one free or maybe because i am the only one who doesn't have a life.

other than watching MTV, DVDs and movies, my life consists of surfing the net and of course doing the daily duties in my body in able to survive. seriously, I HAVE A TEDIOUS LIFE. i don't think anyone would be interested in tracking my daily on-goings for there isn't anything to track basically.

as much as i want to create something new, something exciting, something controversial, i just can't pull it off. maybe because of lack of courage or it's just not my personality. Egie and I were talking, and were like "dapat gawa tayo ng issue!"...."oo nga!"...."kunwari 2 years na tayo!" haha!!!

This happened a week ago or two weeks ago where everything in our class seemed to be coming out. Its weird to find out things that were kept for so long and the type that you wouldn't exactly expect to be felt by other people. I, on the other hand, is the opposite of this. God, why is it that i don't feel anything for anyone? AM I AN ALIEN? or am I just a GENETICALLY MODIFIED ORGANISM?

My blockmates would often ask me "Joanni, sino bang type mo sa classroom?" (or something similar to that) and Im like... "WALA." and the most often reply would be.."kahit yung tingin mong ok? pinaka-close mo na lalaki? yung gusto mo ung ugali?" and again, i'll reply..."pinapaisip nyo ko...WALA. ask Egie pa..." Its weird, but i seriously don't like anyone in my block. Maybe because i know them and have already seen their flaws but none of them attract me. But then again, even on our first day of class, i didn't see anyone quite attractive to me. Or i just dont let anyone get me attracted to them.

What's difficult with me is that, one must first pass the physical qualities i specifically look for - clean & flawless (yeah, like no pimples and all), good dresser and of course cute (i like cute better than guapo). Only after that would i be interested in actually knowing a person and quality as someone i am attracted to. Jap-Ang is one, Giant before (ayaw ko na sa kanya ngaun), Da's friend Janjan (who has a GF) and Jmie the "sorry" guy. Lahat sila ganyan... and chinito. I wound't exactly point out chinito as one of the thing which attracts me its just that most of the people who has that kind of skin are chinitos (not chinese, chinito). Fine, I'll include chinito. Oo nga, lahat sila chinito... even those i didn't mention here since i don't know how to call them in the first place.

Its different that i am talking about my type or my crushes that have no idea that i have a crush on them since they don't know me and i don't know them personally. STALKER ko no? Nalalaman ko mga pangalan nila without them even knowing me.. HAHA! Maybe that's the only way i would have a crush - since with that way, they are superficially perfect beings without flaws. Knowing a person makes them human and with flaws. People might think i am dreaming, since I AM, and logically why would i dream of someone imperfect? When people think, or dream, or imagine, its always good and perfect - and that's what this is to me but just to make it sensible, i ain't looking for someone perfect, just someone perfect for me.

Maybe i won't have a boyfriend forever. Maybe i'll live my whole life NBSB. Maybe. Maybe. Egie would quite often tell me that even guys could come over to me i tell them off already. Thinking now, I know i am just protecting myself - from issues, from the comments of other people. For some reasons i am easily affected by the talkings of other people - I dont wanna be a part of what the hell they may be talking of. I dont wanna have negative feedbacks, i dont want insults. I am finished of receieving those. Envy is nothing that i would be willing to be part of even if i aint the one feeling it. I know now how people react in envy. I know what they could say to you. I know how they could bury you alive with their words. I NOW KNOW THE REALITY OF FEELING ENVIOUS.

This is a very long entry of how to become SINGLE for your whole life. Hai...

pointless, senseless, just blogging

2006-03-24T14:47:00.000+08:00

After watching The Exorcism of Emily Rose, i got to this event of waking up every 3:oo (or around that time) in the morning. It happen not only once but four times already. Its wierd, scary and troubling. I feel like being forewarned of being the next girl/person to experience that kind of thing. Or am i just being paranoid?

To place that paranoiding (creating a new word is never new) thought, my exams are finally over. yep ITS OVER. now, my only concern is if my grades are the one next going to be over. God, I seriously hope not.

Its summer now, and as much as i wanna say HURRRAHHH!!! NOT! i got summer classes 3 weeks from now. tsktsk. why the hell do they have to do that?!

I realized how tedious my life is. If I or anyone for that matter would compare my on-goings to shape, it would be a fine straight line. No ups and downs. How boring could that be? Well, ask me.

Its just that, i have always maintanied this neutral attitude just to keep safe. To avoid conflicts. I know how sucky it feels to have someone irritated with you but then again, what's more sucky than nothing at all?

Am i even making a point? Im like scribling to no end. Haha!

Nonetheless, i wanna blogblogblog (it sounds like drinking something - haha!). Its the end of a school year! Its like wow, that was a year ago? or WHAT? that was only a year ago?!

like im making any sense huh? haha! its rare that i place something like this in my blog since i barely talk about what i feel here... its more on what i think. im just afraid to be bare. thoughts are meant to be shared but feelings aren't that close to those since they will expose you. online blogs are my mere expression of agitation and some experiences but not of feelings. i even find it hard to open up to my friends how could i possibly trust it to this one which is public? i can't even track those visiting this...

i guess, the only time i would actually place something in here that i actually feel is when i intend for people to read it - meaning i could not tell something by face.

Argh. I made a long pointless entry. As if anyone actually reads this! haha!

2006-03-19T01:10:00.000+08:00

ALAALA NI BATMAN by Radioactive Sago Project

...bale idol na idol talaga ko talaga si batman dibale na si robin ayoko ka robin kase parang bading pero ano nga kaya ang relasyon nila pero idol ko talaga si batman kase palagi ko at siyang dinodrowing, lagi ko siyang ginagaya lahat ng bagay na batman gustong gusto ko meron ako yung t-shirt ko batman yung lunchbox ko batman yung pencilcase ko yung panyo yung sumbrero yung toothbrush yung brief ko lahat yon batman mahal na mahal ako ng tatay ko kase kahit mahirap lang kami lagi nya akong binibili ng batman n bagay pero minsan gusto ko talaga ng batmobile na laruan nagpabili ako sa kanya sabi ko tay bili mo naman ako ng batmobile pero katatangal nya lang yata nya non sa trabaho at wala n sya pera kase kasali yata siya noon sa unyon nagwala yata sa ticket line kaya yun natanggal siya kaya kumuha n lng siya ng karak-karak n lata ng sardinas at binutasan na lang at kinabitan ng tansan at dun ko nalaman ang ibig sabihin ng pagmamahal...

this song awoke me while i was sleeping this morning as my brother played it. the one in bold letters made a lot of sense to me, especially the last line. most people i know of, think of love as being completely submerged into someone - like thinking about that person 24/7, or being texted mushy stuff, some even with just "kumain ka na?" or "ingat". its lame how people think that way or as they also say how they feel -i would not agree with that since in the first place you only feel what you think; they think they are in love which is the main reason they think they feel in when actually they are not.

maybe because i haven't felt that way or just don't think like that, but i believe that you can only feel love when you already know the person more that just what his/her favorite color, food, brand etc. when it is dual and not personal, when its real care and not thought, when you are willing to share what you are. i can't understand how is it possible to love a person without being loved in return? parents can do since they have unconditional love for their children but lovers? i don't think so.

how can you possibly love someone who does not open up to you? who doesn't really care?

its not love its just infatuation. its like. maybe a crush but not love.

kahit ano pang sabihin ng mga kanta, kahit ano pang isipin ng iba, ang pagmamahal ay hindi nangagaling sa isang tao lamang. kung ikaw lang ang nagsasabing mahal mo ang isang tao, hindi mahal 'yun dahil imposibleng magmahal ng isang taong hindi ka mahal. bakit ko nga ba pinagsasabi 'to? lilinawin ko lang hindi ko nararamdaman 'to, gusto ko lang sabihin ang naiisip ko. kung bakit hindi ko maintindihan ng ibang tao na nagsasabi na mahal nila ang ibang tao na hindi naman sila mahal. ang salitang mahal ay napakalalim nang pakiramdam upang maramdaman ng isang tao na hindi pa naman nararanasan ang tunay na napapaloob sa pakiramdam ng kabilang tao. malabo? alam ko. pero wala na akong balak na linawin pa kasi alam ko wala namang may pakialam dito sa sinusulat ko. ang sarap lang i-umpog ng mga taong pilit na pinagdidiinan na nararamdaman nila ito kahit sa totoo ang nararamdaman nila ay parang ang nararamdaman ng isang grade 1 sa kapwa grade 1 na gwapo/maganda, ang pagkakaiba lang ang grade 1 hindi iniisip na pagmamahal 'un, ang alam lang nila "ay gwapo/maganda!" kaya tapos na ang problema pag tumanda na kung ano-ano ang mga iniisip at binibigyang kulay kaya naman naiisip na love na kahit hindi naman.

hindi pa ako "na-in love" or "na-iin love" dahil sa totoo lang hindi pa talaga ako nagkaka-crush ng tunay puro pang pisikal lang. hindi ako tibo ha, lilinawin ko lang, hindi rin ako bakla sa akin lang ang mga maliliit na bagay tulad ng pagsabi ng "ingat ka" o "gudnyt" ay mga bagay na sinasabi ng isang tao na walang ibig sabihin kung hindi ang tuinay na ibig sabihin nito. literal akong tao at hindi ko binibigyang ng makulay na ibig sabihin ang bawat letra na sibasabi sa akin.

naiinis lang ksi ako sa mga taong masyado kung magpalaki ng bawat sabihin sa kanila.

2006-03-16T06:48:00.000+08:00

After loosing my phone at the boat, after i have taken both my practical exams at HRM, after many things have been said and done (cliche?)... thank God I am still alive.

Yep, i lost my phone. Some freakin bastard stole it while i was sleeping. I just wish KARMA comes around that person.

Yep, i had gone through both HRM 102B & 103A practical exams, the first i got 77 and the later 60. Bad scores but great relief, atleast i got less things to think about.

Yep, everything have gone through secrets to common knowledge to everyone. I think its true that when people say "bsta na simulan ng isa, tuloy-tuloy na 'yan..." or does my brother the only one who says that?

Anyway, my written exams would start tomorrow 'til next week. God knows how well (or how bad should more likely) would i perform. I got to get my grades back to their normal range. For some reasons i became so slack with my academics... reasons i dunno.

Another thing, i am afraid that i might be having negative feedbacks from my blockmates. Maybe because of my ka-artehan or my lack of interest in practicing our play or reasons they only will know... heck it sucks when it happens that way. Oh yeah, yesterday, I saw Ang (my guy counterpart, as mimay says) 3 times, i guess its true (other thing i think its true) that "when it rains, it pours". I wish it always happens that way :D.

2006-02-26T21:34:00.000+08:00

NOSTALGIC.

seeeing these uniformed men in television announcing this and that makes me feel like being once again part of the old world.

no, i wasn't a people power baby. i was late by a year but for some inevitable reasons, this whole country - its people, media, school etc. made me one. i feel those moments where people really prayed, sacrificed and aimed for a better country with the unity to enforce a brighter future for all of us.

now, each politician has his or her own goal with the mutiny that is currently happening. no one is praying for the sake of the betterment of our country but for the sake of his or her own self. these people are manipulating other people for their own purpose.

i just received a message that there will be no classes again tomorrow.

i am not happy that i ain't going to class. first, i have to get my grades back to its normal range and i won't be able to do that with these continous no-class days. second, i want a normal country! i want a normal day! i want to live without these uniformed men in the streets!

actually, the current situation was not bad but unfortunately these media people (ABS-CBN to point out) makes it worst. These media people keeps on asking stupid questions, keeps on showing and illuminating shallow informations making the situation all exemplified and worst. GOD, just to get these "exclusive" stuffs and more attention from the people they are making our country's situation worst!

GOD when would the people start acting like they care??

when would they STOP caring about their ratings?

when would they use their influence in such a good way?

WHEN?

REST at last

2006-02-21T20:10:00.000+08:00

since last week, today was the only day i was able to sleep in such a complete compliance since i wouldn't have to pressure my self in waking up even without my want to.

yes, i did have a class from 7-1 but after that i was able to sleep for 3 hours. thank God.

weekend was not a weekend to me anymore, NSTP provides me a weekend work - a more tiring one than my regular classes. maybe because i am not used in commuting, or i am just recuperating from it that this activity gives me such a hard time from getting used to but at least i am enjoying it! it is not very often that i get to get out and commute with my blockmates plus this was the only opportunity that i get to talk to strangers who experiences life we thought should never exist.

i always thought i would feel grossed out with interacting with those people who are left by their imputable parents in the streets to beg but no, i did not. no, they are not just street beggars but they were children who are badly battred (either physically/emotionally) by their parents or relatives. some were raped, some were physically abused, some were used. as i have never thought, they were normal - and they are comminicable. i only then realized how naive i am to the world i have always seen bright. these are the people who condemed being alive. these are the people who faces the world thinking where will i go next? these are the people who suffer from the politicking politicians do.

it made me think how the hell would any president be able to help these people? or any government for that matter? PEOPLE DO NOT EVEN CARE FOR THEIR OWN FAMILY. I have a child, SO WHAT? I have 12 children, SO WHAT? I have a daughter/niece/grandchild, i f*&k them! GOD! What kind of people are living in this world??? and to think that we are catholics!

its sad, but TRUE.

2006-02-11T09:30:00.000+08:00

i hate it when people assume of things regarding my feelings, my thoughts or anything which regards me for that matter. worst, say it to me like they know me very well.

first and foremost i ain't sad for not having a boyfriend or having someone to spend valentine's day in the 14th - cause in the first place i don't really see valentine's day as some special day what so ever i believe that its just a piece of crap establishments promote in able to sell their services/products.

second, how can someone assume that i will feel happy when i will be someone?! I AM HAPPY ALL BY MYSELF. i don't need a boyfriend to feel satisfied. and besides if i want a boyfriend i can have one but please don't assume that it will be you - and worst tell it to me like you are so sure of what the hell i feel.

third, if a person isn't replying to you anymore, take the hint - its not even a hint anymore its more of a unspoken reply of get out of my face, my surrondings, my life.

ok, the thirds kind harsh, but just STOP bugging the person.

if a person is interested in you, of course she will reply. she would be willing to talk to you on the phone and in person and she will be happy when she see's you. if she don't the freakin get out!

update

2006-02-10T20:53:00.000+08:00

EDUC month (yes, month not week) started last monday, i have no idea when it would end. Anyway, they had this thing of having escorts & muses representing each program - hrm, tourism, ft, bse etc. and gosh was it not a major laugh trip...

Host started to individually ask questions to the representatives and made them introduce themselves

HRM Escort : *mentions name* from the College of HRM (since when did we had our own college?)

Host : Talent?

HRM Escort : ...uhm... basketball! (indeed! basketball is a telent!)

Ohh that was the best. But i would still go for Peter Pan! He had green legs!!

*****************************************************

Cheermania was held this afternoon, i feel bad for attending it - not that i experienced a major bad event but i wasn't able to attend my afternoon classes. badbadbad me.

fear of crowded people

2006-02-04T10:09:00.000+08:00

at now, 60 dead people had been counted for the stampede that happened in the entrance of wowowee.

for some reason, it bothered me. not that i am interested in going to that program or that sort (cause i watch eatbulaga) but because i imagine what risk we take when we go to such events.

last night, i was in livre, and thinking about it, what if someone just screamed "may bomba!" or something like it? just being traped in the middle of it makes me already breathless, how much more if everybody was struggling to get out?

now, i realize why most people (especially parents) are in doubt to send their children or anyone they know for that matter in such things. i for one, would also be now.

so i am not worthy of your trust huh?

2006-01-28T17:45:00.000+08:00

having lost my connections with most of my friends makes me muse if i ain't that worthy of anyone's friendship. i have gained a lot of friends from my 18 years of living, but ain't got one who i can actually get my feelings on or who i can always drag or who i can always communicate with. i guess i really have that solitary attitude or if not that something i have not yet realized.

now, i feel bad

not because i hate my friends but because i found another thing in me to hate. no one ever trusts me - and i hate that. just to tell you, my tears are nearly falling right now and i just have to cry

oh God how hard could it be?

2006-01-26T17:48:00.000+08:00

nakakainis pag ang tatanga ng mga tao sa paligid mo.

un lang!

but i have to do this

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dapat iinstallan na kami ng bayabtel dsl ngayon.

first, we lack a lan card (which we thought can be replaceable by a usb - turns out not) so we had to buy one

then when the man came back in the afternoon, (the same time my brother was taking a bath), our help thought he was as sleep making the man leave! putcha!

di man lang naghintay at nagtanong diba?

nakakainis! ayaw ko na ng mga katulong na saksakan ng TANGA!!!

prelims

2006-01-19T13:21:00.000+08:00

most of the time, i am wondering of what i am now that i was not before. physical changes are too obvious for me not to notice but attitude wise, its something i try so hard to figure out. ok, how can it so hard to figure out your own self? - yeah, that's the problem.

prelims week used to be hell week for me - yep, HELL. just my profs reminding us of that thing already gives me the creeps, and yeah, as much as i wanna avoid it - i feel pressured. now, kahit pa anong gawin kong pagpressure sa sarili ko (yep, i pressure myself just to try to perform better), i simply don't feel it at all. its like... I DON'T CARE anymore.

i dunno why i am like this. i dont wanna be like this. i wanna feel pressure. i wanna think i am failing and NOT know that i am.

i took my spanish exam yesterday and barely remembered anything - i am totally failing that course. the most i could get from my answers is 1 - i am even sure if she would consider that. but what worst than failing is not feeling like i am. its like that i am not even concerned of it happening. GOD, WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!

then, just getting a lower mark than my blockmates would bother me a lot (and i did not even fail then, i just got a lower score than them) now, i am really failing and i am not even bothered. and not being bothered is the one bothering me now. i want this not being bothered out of my system... oh God, please bring me back my 'tarantatious' me.

2006-01-13T22:13:00.000+08:00

back to posting quizzes...

You scored as Nicole Kidman. You are most like Nicole Kidman. You have a natural elegance and poise that is rare nowadays. Your grace and quiet nature makes you pure and almost angelic. You style is more classic than trendy, but you always look good no matter what you wear. You're sophisticated, focused, and beautiful, and the world needs more of your kind of beauty.

Nicole Kidman

84%

Kate Bosworth

56%

Eva Longoria

56%

Gwen Stefani

45%

Beyonce

39%

Paris Hilton

28%

Carmen Electra

28%

Angelina Jolie

22%

What Beautiful Celebrity are You? (pictures)
created with QuizFarm.com

is this even for real?! nahh.. i'd still prefer to be kate bosworth (with such hubby as Orlando Bloom? who won't?)

You scored as Regina George.

Regina George

47%

Karen Smith

34%

Gretchen Wieners

22%

Who's your inner Mean Girl?
created with QuizFarm.com

hey! i'm Georgina George! she's a byatch but i l-o-v-e her!

Your EQ is

133 50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick!51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese.71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely.91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that.111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin.150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's" Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

when i feel bad sometimes...

2006-01-10T19:08:00.000+08:00

being shut down by people depresses me. i don't know why, but the feeling of not being listened to affects me so much like that when i am failing a course or two. i guess it is in my nature that i WANT to be heard and when you hear it, i want you to MAKE it - kind of a dictator huh? yeah, it sounds bad, and kinda makes me someone you wanna call a byatch, but at least, in my case, when i suggest something, i try and do my best to accomplish it.

most of the time, my blockmates would comment of me being someone to argue with - cause its true. i would never fail to fight for my idea all through out no matter how convincing yours is. i may see your point, but i would believe that mine is always still kinda better.

lately, this act of being a demanding byatch isn't such an effective idea. most of the time, its either i can't be it or you won't be it and it sucks and it makes me feel really really bad. not that i don't want to be a byatch or anything but it makes me feel senseless, ineffective and not productive. why?

i dont want to work on an idea i personally don't agree with
i get really depressed at being disapproved on - which is when you won't hear what i will or had just said
i hate being commanded to do something i am agaist at!

another thing, i hate being looked as being uncooperative and worst being said to things like i am soooo bad when things aren't even so good. why would i exert so much time and effort doing something that isn't even finalized? na naglolokohan lang naman kami? na hindi naman nila sobrang seneseryoso? nd nman sa masama magpatawa - maganda nga iyon, pro pag exage na - ndi na cya nakakatawa! pag lahat nalang iyon? pagpaulit-ulit nalang? pag pilit na? at masama pa dun (in another occurence) sobrang sablay na! i just hate someone right now! argh!!

oh God, Bless me please to let this away.

2006-01-09T19:58:00.000+08:00

Your Life Path Number is 9

Your purpose in life is to make the world better

You are very socially conscious and a total idealist.
You think there are many things wrong with the world, and you want to fix them.
You have a big idea of how to world could be, and you'll sacrifice almost anything to work towards this dream.

In love, you can easily see the beauty in someone else. And you never cling too tightly.

You are capable of great love, but it's hard for you to focus your love on one person or relationship.
You have a lot of outward focus, and you tend to blame the world for your failures.
You are often disappointed by the realities of life - it's hard for you to accept the shortcomings of the world.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You tend to take more than give in relationships.

You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You are fickle and tend to fall out of love easily. You bounce from romance to romance.

How Are You In Love?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?
But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

How Weird Are You?

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you awy from this world
So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time
You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all...
But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you.
Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses.
Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others.
Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

2006-01-03T13:43:00.000+08:00

Im taking my last day of vacation into doing house chores and taking these Blogthings tests...

Your Brain's Pattern

You have a tempered, reasonable way of thinking.You tend to take every new idea in, and meld it with your world view.For you, everything is always changing. Each moment is different.Your thinking process tends to be very natural - with no beginnings or endings.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

You Are Likely A Forth Born

but im a Second Born...

At your darkest moments, you feel angry.At work and school, you do best when your analyzing.When you love someone, you tend to be very giving.
In friendship, you don't take the initiative in reaching out.Your ideal jobs are: factory jobs, comedy, and dentistry.You will leave your mark on the world with your own personal philosophy.

The Birth Order Predictor

New Year!

2006-01-01T22:38:00.000+08:00

FELIZ AñO NUEVO!

may this year promote a good and prosperous 'chi' to all of us.

MY PLEDGES

(which i can hopefully execute)

to write notes in all my courses
to devulge my time (after class) in reading in advance of lessons
to say the word "ewww.." and "Oh My God" less
to start accepting the flaws of others as part of life i cannot get rid of
perform everything in full effort and avoid the 'Bahala Na' attitude
to be less irritating
to not run and hide when ever i see my crush(es)
to start being more warm and accomodating to others than being still and awfully cold
avoid acting like a baby
to fully get rid of all my conyotic antics (which BTW, i really hate)
to start doing these pledges

AMEN.

Christmas Day '05

2005-12-29T17:03:00.000+08:00

Chrismas ain't that bad after all.

After much procrastinations of Christmas only being for children, I once again felt it like i had always when i was a child. Maybe because our house were filled with children (some were relatives & some i have no idea where those came from), maybe because our house was once again full-packed with relatives (from Bicol who came here to spend their xmas), maybe because we once again had our, then, annual noche buena exchange gift or maybe because of all those reasons combined.

I'll give a run through of my Xmas Vacation:

Dec. 21

- Salon Day : had a hair spa and made my hair trimmed

- Seminarians (all the way from Naga) went to our house to provide us with a very unique Caroling

Dec. 22

- Shopping at Gateway

Dec. 23

- We went to Baclaran!

I was able to buy a pair of flats for 220php (parehas kami nila Ann & Sa since you can oly buy it at that price if its wholesale), a skirt worth 250php, black corporate pants P150, shirts worth P60 each, mini bohemian skirt worth 95php & capri pants worth 170. the only thing in there is that you'll have to purchase in whole sale in able to save, like the skirt i bought which costs 250, if i had bought it in wholesale(at least 3 pieces) it would only cost P150 each but then again, what would would i do with the other two? Pro masaya pa rin! Dami kong nabili para sa sarili ko kahit na mama ko nagbayad para sa lahat! hehe! :D

Dec. 24

- Went to SM to buy gifts for our exchange gift and some stuff to be used for Noche Buena

Dec. 25

MIDMORNING (huh? 12am)

- Noche Buena

- Exchange Gift

- Uncle Archer got me a shower gel from Marks & Spencer

- I got a bag from Uncle Santi

- Kuya gave me Love in time of Cholora by Gabriel Garcia Marquez! hihi!

- Videoke!

AFTERNOON

- Mass

EVENING

- Salu-salo with relatives

Dec. 26

- RESTED all day reading Love in time of Cholera

Dec.27

- REST again

Dec. 28

- We went to Uratex and bought a new foam for my bed (at wala kaming ibang ginawa kung hindi MAGHINTAY)

- Went to Greenhills and ate at Teriyaki Boy! Yum!

Dec. 29 : TODAY

We will be going to Talavera tonight for the Reunion tomorrow :P (although i hate travelling, i always have that sucky feeling of drowsiness and throwing up which i can't figure out why)

crush

2005-12-20T23:47:00.000+08:00

PASKUHAN sucked. Besides the sucky bands, some people made it totally worst. Its just that, some people are either advantageous of other people's kindness or some are just plainly irritating. ARGH.

mga bwicet na makakapal ang mukha

ANYWAY, 'Giant' took a look at me!!! Yes, I sound SOOO PATHETIC pero wala nang pakialamanan crush ko na ulet siya! Wahahaha!!! (does this laugh sound so eveil or what?) I just don't want to confirm it to other people who see him often since i know that they would never get tired of teasing me.. AGAIN.

when that happens, i would not have to guts to even face him. oh, yes, not even a glance. And as much as i want to get to know that person, i know, that when i am already able to, this crush thingy i am thinking of right now, would go no where. Why? since he'll become human to me - IMPERFECT.

Now you know why i never had a boyfriend since i was born - i am so picky & criticizing

I took this test and the result is so true (well, i think)

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.
Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.
At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

Christmasy Season

2005-12-16T21:33:00.000+08:00

its 8 days before xmas yet i dont feel xmasy at all. the excitement i felt every december when i was a child seemed to have flown to another child - just proves that i ain't no longer one.

i dunno if its with the age or with just our status right now - both social/country.

PASKUHAN will be on tuesday, its already bad that it was too late, whats worst is that we still have a class in the morning. i dunno if i'll be still jumpy & alive by 7 o'clock at night if i'll be waking up at around 5 in the morning to go to my 7o'clock lab class.

im not feeling too blogging right now making my grammar (which is bad then) to worst. so for those concerned reading, por favor. i'll leave with this for now...

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger.You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause.You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you!A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's" Your Blogging Personality?

Your Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well.You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return.
Your flirting style: Friendly
Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe
Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish
What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

What Color Heart Do You Have?

i realized some things...

2005-11-23T18:52:00.000+08:00

having someone tell me they hate someone I know made me think and realize a lot of things about myself.

i might be pissin off another person without knowing or intention of doing it
i react exaggerately when somebody is against my point
i always sound mad
i don't let my point down unless all of those concerened already agrees with me

in short, i am figgin irritating

now, i am mad at myself since i know i am irritating. and it bothers me that maybe someone is deeply pissed off because of my attitude. worst, i might have ruined somebody else's day due to my undying principles and beliefs or if not those something else about me.

what concerns me more is that i might have other things i am not aware of. maybe my voice, my way of talking, my use of words or some other things which most of us, without knowing the reason why, irritates us. and no matter how i would like to be aware of those things for me to be able to change and avoid it, it would be vaguely possible for someone tell me of those things even if i ask them. mostly, they are concerned on how i would feel about myself or how i would feel about them - since this is how i would exactly feel if i would be the one asked.

as much as i would want persons who feel bad against me would just confront me than refering their anger to somebody else's knowledge, its just impossible. besides, its really hard to change if you were living in that kind of way since you were a child. for example, in my case where i always sound mad at somebody when i want to express my thoughts or what i know of in things, for me, that's just my way of showing that i have another thing in mind - and i am not mad at all. i get this a lot, where people would tell me "uy, wag ka magalit" or "ba't ka galit?" when im explaning something i disagree on actually i just wanna point out my point and i am not angry nor mad at that person.

ANYWAY...

i've been back to school for three weeks now, and i have barely learned a thing. most of my quizzes are nearly in the borderline of pass&fail, i still haven't met our p.e. prof (which is a YEY! to me), i don't have a single number inked in my columnar notebook, the only thing you can ask me translate in spanish is those of with vamos! & buenos, and my sociology prof called me hard-headed.

i go to school

8-5 every MWF

7-1 every Tuesday

and 9-7 every Thurdays

i guess my load is way less compare to other courses, so i wouldn't be complaining. but i have to say that i hate thursdays even MWF is way more boring. i just don't like attending p.e. and my hrm103a. its just... whackkkk! we are made to stand for 6 hours! yes, 6 hours! and i am not so well communicated with my groupmates in that course. not that i hate them, just haven't found them that approachable or if not, some other unexplainble sort. hehh....

Hasta la vista!

Edison Chen

2005-10-19T20:21:00.000+08:00

True, I have indeed seen MTV's Whatever Things like a thousand times before... but after seeing Edison Chen in Initial-D...

I'm so going to watch Whatever Things a thousand times more. and more. Isn't he cute?? Cause for me, He's so damn is.

and also, watch Initial-D, you'll definitely want to learn how to drive, much more, be a race car driver (who only drives on downhills -cool huh?) after watching it. plus, takumi kinda looks like champ.

Earth Catastrophes

2005-10-16T10:53:00.000+08:00

I was watching National Geographic : Savage Earth Week - TSUNAMI, and just so, while still doing so, i scanned the papers beside me and the headline of People's Tonight stated "BIG EARTHQUAKE in NOVEMBER", now, tell me, how can i be more scarred?

what's worst about it is that it will directly hit Metro Manila and its as powerful as that which struck India, Thailand, Indonesia... last December.

well, its a prophecy told by a 71-year-old woman who had a near death experience back in 50's. but what makes me scarred about it is that she had seen the Tsunami incident a month before it happened describing it as a huge tidal wave that will hit the country.

may it be a prophecy or not, the fact is, we are living in a more drastic world now - where earthquakes, hurricanes and tsunamis occurs only in a matter of months and not years. the probable cause? our own actions, doings... beliefs.

we create more chaos than peace. we lie more and pray less. we don't even listen to the sunday mass. if i was God, i would even bother looking after this world. No wonder HE is letting this happen to us - ungrateful people of this world.

for those who had the time to read this : PLEASE PRAY

FINALS

2005-10-11T22:43:00.000+08:00

MY SHOUT OUTS:

im tired of adjusting with what my friends like

im tired of doing everything when in fact it should be done by group

im tired of playing "yes sir/mam i understood what you taught" when in fact i have not understood a thing

im tired of flippin my management book pretending to having know it alland im tired of saying IM TIRED.

GOD.

when would THESE stop?

or when would I stop doing this?

there are times where i dont know whether i am the one wrong or they are.

its just that, i hate pretending

and it just so happens that in life, you have to do that just to satisfy other people -

cause you have no other choice but to do so...

like satisfying what my hrm prof's taste buds

procrastination

2005-09-20T21:50:00.000+08:00

i hate procrastinating but there are situations where i just can't avoid it.

kahit na lagi ko pang sinasabi ko sa ibang tao na "kaya hindi umaasenso Pilipinas e, kce ang mga tao pro lang reklamo" well, hell with that when you let me wait.

God, do I really have to wait for hours before i can go home?

True, I can't go and commute all by myself but i can't freakin stay with that situation FOREVER.

When would they let me?

and when would i STOP waiting?

anyway, i have a load of projects to make and a bag full of notes to write

so this procrastination needs to STOP.

i had another hole in my left ear

2005-08-29T21:16:00.000+08:00

i had another piercing in my left ear...

(the other ones i am talking about are those two i had since i was a child - the ones, we normaly place our earings with)

it would be non-sense talking how the hell i felt being pirched by a gun so i'll leave that as that.

so what's up with my life?

well, besides having anonymous callers, unconnected friendster messangers and mysterious texters..

....

oh GOD, i live a very scarry life.

i have no idea where those freakin skwateric people came from but one thing i can guarantee..

they are freakin scarry... and gross.

1. They are pathetic

2. They kept on passing on my no. to their friends

3. They are just so.... argh!

Nyah. Anyway, atleast may karamay ako.. c ka-te! haha!

Kahit papaano may buhay pa rin naman ako.

Marami akong katangahang nagawa at mayroon ding kadalubhasaan (oh dba?)

Marami akong pinasa iypn nga lang kasing rami rin ng binagsak.

Kahit na madalas napapaisip ako tungkol sa buhay ko at kung san ang patutunguhan nito,

kahit na karaniwan na sa pangaraw-araw na pamumuhay ko ang pagkwestyon sa dahilan ng pagtagal ko sa sitwasyon ko ngayon lalo na sa pamantasan na pinapasukan ko,

kahit na ang dami kong reklamo sa mundong ito...

Masaya pa naman ako.

Totoo, madalas akong magreklamo.

Totoo, napakaling impluwesya sa akin ng pagkakaroon ng estado sa pamayanan na ito.

Totoo, ang dalas kong mangmaliit ng tao.

Totoo na kahit inis ako sa mga conyo may mga panahon na nabibilang rin ako sa mga iyon.

Ang importante nakikita ko sa akin iyon at hindi ko hinahayaang manatili ako sa pagiging ganoon.

Ang importante sa dulo... nakakamit ko pa rin ang pakiramdam ng kasiyahan.

Ang pagngiti, pagtawa, at paghalakhak.

Dahil sa lahat ng bagay, iyon ang nakakapagpakumpleto ng ating araw. linggo. buwan at taon.

Friendster

2005-08-25T19:43:00.000+08:00

whats up with FRIENDSTER?!

why the hell are 34 persons messaging me and asking me to be their friend?!

and i am not even connected to their account!

one is even a taiwanese and asking me "what's up?"

i am aware of my account being open for the public to access, but why all of a sudden..

did all those people find it?

was my account on display on its home page?!

Arghhh!!!!

Seven things in me

2005-08-16T17:38:00.000+08:00

Seven things that scare you:
1. Roaches! Grrr! bat ba binuhay pa yan dto sa mundo!
2. Mice! May it be black or white, big or small!
3. Failing in anything more so, on my courses
4. Losing people i care about
5. Inhumane Suffering (of any kind)
6. Being trapped (again, of any kind - like being set up for something that you
have no choice but be drawn into it)
7. Death

Seven things you like the most:
1. Family
2. My SuperFriends! (kberks + blockfriends)
3. My Incredibly Comfy Uratex Bed (which doesn't make my back ache!)
4. Blogging!
5. The Idea of Unlimited Calls & Text (they made things cheaper! plus
cellphone service was not "monopolized" by either smart or globe)
6. Sleeping!
7. Savoring the taste of the ultimate dessert.. McFlurry! khet na bumabagyo pa!

Seven important things in your room:
1. Ang Dakila kong Kama!
2. School Requirements
3. Journal (well, not updated, but it kept me aware of the things i have done before)
4. Pictures
5. HS stuffs (for memories' sake)
6. My Magazines!
7. Clothes (how can i get out without those?)

Seven random facts about you:
1. It would take overpowering me in able for a person to impress me
2. I NEVER get satisfied in any thing i do
3. I hated having breast then (no wonder i have none now)
4. Most of the time, i end up being friends with people i initially hated.
5. Im really interested with history.. i actually wanted to be a acheologist then!
(after realizing that a scientist does not actually do a lot of mixing colored substances)
6. I like to try everything (well, except those that would risk my life)
7. I really hate those who crave for attention

Seven things you plan to do before you die:
1. Be succesful in my career (or atleast something related to it but im still not closing the idea of ending up into something totally unrelated to what i am studying now)
2. Raise a Good & Loving Family
3. Have a house built on a design of my preference
4. Save a good sum of MONEY!MONEY!MONEY!
5. Buy a land near the beach and build a beach house
6. Travel the World
7. Share my knowledge to others

Seven things you can do:
1. Bake!
2. Guess exam answers correctly
3. Watch TV all day without standing
4. Draft different designs of letters
5. Keep a secret
6. Hold my feelings
7. Play dumb when when i want to avoid something

Seven things you can't do:
1. Commute alone
2. Roll my tongue
3. Lie at my parents
4. Not get pissed when things don't happen the way i expected it to be
5. Be annoyed at those wanting to be "conyo" (conyos iare annoying, those wanting to be are worst!)
6. To like / Be friends with users, posers.. etc.
7. Sing & dance

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex:
1. NIce Get up + Good Looks (cyempre para mapansin mo db?)
2. Confidence
3. Personality
4. Intelligence
5. A good sense of humor
6. Has the same interests as mine
7. Humble

Seven things you say the most:
1. Ewww..
2. Nyek!
3. Goodness
4. Shocks
5. F*%k
6. Wahh!
7. Hui!

Seven celeb crushes (whether local or foreign)
1. Milo Ventimiglia
2. Orlando Bloom
3. Talan (from Laguna Beach)
4. the child version of Cholo at Stairway
5. Chad Michael Murray
6. Ben Mckinze
7. Kyan Douglas (khet na bakla cya!)

Seven people you want to see to take this quiz: - Lhat ng makakabasa nito.. sagutan niyo din!

no blog for weeks

2005-08-13T23:46:00.000+08:00

having something lost made me realize how valuable it is in my daily living.

last Aug.1 (where the first heavy rain of this year poured), our laptop was stolen.

God, i really wished that - that freakin guy who stole it would die benefiting from it!

I really hope that after selling it, that money he supposedly "earned" would also be stolen from him in a more harsh way like a gun would be triggered on his brain which would cause his brain to spurge out in pieces! OR, have him earn 20 stabs in the chest causing not only loss of blood but 12 broken ribs!

having that happened, i wasn't able to go online for days. what was worst was all our pictures were in there! birthday, swimming, xmas, new year... all our events we stored in there.. and having that thing gone, so did our "memories". (nyak ang drama! pro totoo naman ha! d na ulet mangyayari ung mga un!) plus, all my documents were also in there : my research datas etc.

what was worst was, it made me come to thinking that i am not even secure of our own home. minor stuff could be accepted (such us side mirrors of cars - ayt, it was parked outside) but something placed in our own living room?!

to make u imagine how he made it, he took out one of the mirror of our window then made a whole out of the wire covering. if u have been to our house and have observed well how it looks like inside out, you would know that there's no other possible way of going into that side unless that person came from the house of our neighbor (which is just what? a meter away from our bakod? and has a house built higher that ours? - our street is slanted down btw)

who ever that guy, oh i wish he may die in a very scornful way! something that would make him guilty of all the things he have done or worst the possibility of going into heaven! *evil laugh* (oh God, i might be the one getting that from all these thoughts)

and yet another quiz day..!

2005-07-28T20:22:00.000+08:00

You are happy, driven, and status conscious.You want everyone to know how successful you are.Very logical, you see life as a game of strategy.
A bit of a loner, you prefer to depend on yourself.You always keep your cool and your composure.You are a born leader and business person.

World's Shortest Personality Test

Your Hidden Talent

You are both very knowledgeable and creative.
You tend to be full of new ideas and potential - big potential.
Ideas like yours could change the world, if you build them.
As long as you don't stop working on your dreams, you'll get there.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

Your Power Color Is Indigo

At Your Highest:

You are on a fast track to success - and others believe in you.

At Your Lowest:

You require a lot of attention and praise.

In Love:

You see people as how you want them to be, not as how they are.

How You're Attractive:

You're dramatic flair makes others see you as mysterious and romantic.

Your Eternal Question:

"Does This Work Into My Future Plans?"

What's Your Power Color?

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy.

They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder.

It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment.

They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent.
Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art.

You would make an excellent:

Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor
Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer
Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer
Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor

The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's Your Ideal Career?

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.

You are always tactful and diplomatic. You let people down gently.

You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.

You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

..'wala lang' questions..

1. Buong pangalan?

Bulanadi, Joanni Marie Benedicto

2. Anong nararamdaman mo ngayon?

nothing special.

3. Bakit yun ang nararamdaman mo?

malay ko.

4. Saan mo gusto pumunta ngayon?

at My BED

5. Kung may yayakapin ka ngayon ano o sino yun?

Comforter!

6. Kung may chance kang bumuhay ng isangtaong patay na, sino yun?

Nida Blanca. Para matapos na ung tanong kung sino ba talga pumatay sa kanya.

7. Anong kanta ang lagi mong kinakanta pag nasa banyo ka?

Maling Akala formerly by Eheads and revived by Brownman Revival

8. Sinong katabi mo ngayon?

an invisible guy?

9. Kung papipiliin ka, sino pipiliin mo: mahal mo nadi ka mahal, o mahal ka na di mo mahal?

wala. maghahanap ako ng iba.

10. Sinong gusto mong makausap ngayon?

ang sarili ko para maintindihan ko mga ginagawa at iniisip ko

11. Kung hindi ka ikaw ngayon, sino ka?

Song-Hye Kyo!

12. Ano pinakamalungkot na nangyari sa'yo?

when the world seemed to evolve against me.

13. Anong kanta ang gusto mong i-play pag namatay ka na?

wah! don't let me think about death!

14. Kung bibigyan mo yung mahal mo ng bulaklak,ano yun?

wala. cya magbigay sa akin!

15. Anong talent mo?

analyzing other people's attitude. imagining creative ideas. working a craft.

16. Ma-pride ka bang tao?

uhuh. but i know how to let myself down

17. Anong isang bagay na gusto mong makuhangayon?

isa lang? can't do that. adidas bag, SEk750i, nike presto watch (ung white), notebook, a single bed.. and so on..

18. Sinong artista ang kinalolokohan mo ngayon?

I would love to be Song-Hye Kyo! as well as Jojo! they're both pretty and talented!

19. Sino ang kinakainisan mo ngayon?

now, none. in the future.. i dunno.

20. Anong pelikula ang gusto mong panoorin ngayon?

Team America

21. Kung bida ka sa isang pelikula, sino gustomong leading man/lady mo?

Ryan Gosling (the notebook guy)

22. Kung di mo pangalan ang pangalan mongayon, ano ang pangalan mo?

sway? nd Joanni pren! ako lng ata mron nme na ganito dto sa Pinas eh!

23. Kung may gusto kang balikan sa nakaraan mo,ano yun?

things i have done which i regret

24. Masaya ba ang kwento ng buhay mo?

in a way.. yeah

25. Kung papayagan kang pumatay ngayon, sinoang papatayin mo?

mga obssessed sa power na politicians! lahat cla!

26. Sino ang pinakaimportanteng tao ngayon sabuhay mo?

Family & Friends. we are social beings. we need other people in able to survive. all those i love and live with are important.

27. Ano ang pinaka-pangarap mong maging nungbata ka pa?

scientist. (i love seing colorful chemicals that would eventually explode)

28. Kung singer ka, sinong singer ang gusto mongmaka-duet?

Adam Levine of Maroon5

29. Sa tingin mo, bakit kailangang magmahal?

to make us feel balanced? ewan.

30. Isang pelikula na talagang iniyakan mo?

Windstruck!

31. Ano ang pinaka-ayaw mong ugali ng isang tao?

social climber.. or feeling popular much more plastic!

32. Anong theme song ng buhay mo?

ewan ko.. nde pa tapos eh

33. Kung pwede mong i-rewind ang oras, saan ka

4th Yr HS

34. Kaya mo bang pakawalan ang taong mahal mo?

uhuh.

35. Anong gusto mong mangyari sa future mo?

for it to go the way i wanted to

36. Kung bibigyan ka ng powers, anong gusto mo?

instanly influencing other people of ur idea. parang, i'll do some magic stuff to make them agree with me!pra lagi akong panalo sa discussions!

37. Sino ang pinaka-kontrabida sa buhay mo?

Meron b? ah! wait. my gs classmate who made us go to OSA! GOD, HATE HER!

38. Kung may babaguhin ka sa mundo, ano yun?

tendencies of people : choosing looks over capability /suferciality over substance; popular over typical; money over all things; etc.

holiday

2005-07-25T14:15:00.000+08:00

I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!

in two weeks time, i'll be shredding my eyebrows again.. or worst my own eyes.

i have not studied for any quiz i have taken.. so i do expect the worst.

i wonder why it always comes to me in this part of the year to always fail to study.. or even just pass by my "notes" (like i have one).

the only quiz i have perfected so far was in theo - where u'll just have to memorize the goods, happiness and the ends.

how i wish i had blockmates who actually study.. for me to be actually motivated.

isipin mo na lang, ang hirap mag-aral kung lahat ng kasama mo nagchichikahan at naglalaro ng pusoy sa classroom.

hai.. buhay nga naman.

Hmmm...

2005-07-23T20:48:00.000+08:00

why do i want to buy everything i see?

and when i don't.. i usually feel bad about it rather tha good.

GOD, i really can't comprehend myself.

invitation

2005-07-17T23:52:00.000+08:00

view my multiply to see the "my-post-bday-celebpration-but-actually-not" pictures

NBSB

2005-07-11T20:51:00.000+08:00

No Boyfriend Since Birth

a.k.a NBSB

yeah, im part of the society, and as others may whine about being one, im actually proud of it.

it's not that i don't want to have a boyfriend forever - its the feeling of satistifaction that i can feel secure and stable without one..rather, that i can survive with none!

i may feel some insecuries or sometimes think that im unappreciated, but duh, its not like i'm going to die without having those.. or even if i am, it just feels weird!

my tendency is - avoiding that situation.

maybe that's my end (moraltheo def. where an action tends) or maybe that's literally my end.

i am so weird

God, i can't even comprehend my own self.

**i got to think about this whole NBSB situation after reading the book by Claire Betita - if your also in this "situation", try reading it, it will actually make you look at things at a better perspective**

i hate my life.. AGAIN

2005-07-09T22:51:00.000+08:00

why do i always have to hate my life?

the way i did things, and the way others does?

the way everyone affects my freakin life and the way they freakin mess it up?

the way others make me feel REALLY REALLY bad and the way they still worsten it?

why the hell do i have to blame other people for my SUCKY life?!

i hate the fact that i cannot do what i wanna do and can't do something about it.

i hate the fact that other people affect me so much with what they do and does not even consider my feelings about it.

i hate the REALITY that in our culture, parents, relatives (or can i just say everyone i know) HAS A SAY ON EVERYTHING!

i just realized.. GOD, I HATE OUR CULTURE.

they way we show "hospitality" where in we ourselves feels agrabyado already.

the way we change our life just to adjust with other people.

the way we show our so plastic nature to let everyone feel appreciated and welcomed.

or maybe this just applies to me?

since my mom does theses OH SO uhmm THINGS.

(and the way i hate it)

i hate adjusting for other people.

i hate being plastic just to make them feel appreciated.

i hate changing my everyday activities for people i just make "plastic" off!

ARGH! i hate this day!

or this life!

i wanna get out of this house!! wah!!!!

kainis!

2005-06-27T23:07:00.000+08:00

bakit ba ganoon?

why can't i finish a day with out feeling bad?

its either it will go good in the morning and awfully bad in the afternoon.

ever since this academic year started, every night-every night, i have to worry what the hell will again go wrong tomorrow in my sucky life.

oh, i have a sucky life.

this afternoon, i found out that i am transported into another section in the NSTP.

what sucks about that?

1. I am with my friends in the first one and

2. God, it was the only way to be connected with the *Chinese Guy*-(who by the way, was supposed to be my groupmate).

What a Sucky Sucky Life.

mga bagay-bagay...

2005-06-17T16:25:00.000+08:00

bat ganoon, lagi na lang, tuwing mga unang linggo ng pasukan, kailangan kong maramdaman na hindi ako para sa course ko o kaya sa eskwelahan na 'to.

bakit ba kailangan ko laging magsisi kung bakit HrM ang kinuha ko.

Bat ba hindi muna ako nag-isip kung ano ba talaga gusto ko at kung bagay ba sa akin un.

una na lang, maliit ako.

sa totoo lng 4'11&1/2 lng talaga height ko.

(ayan inamin ko na, hindi ako 5ft. leche half an inch nalang kinulang pa)

nde ko na ieexplain kung bakit disadvantage un para sa akin. kung binabasa nyo 'to, kayo na lang ang mag-isip.

pangalawa, hindi ako madaladal o "ma-PR"

ang tanga tanga ko talaga. sa lahat ng bagay na hirap akong idevelop un ung pagiging madaldal. kahit nga sa mga mismong mga kaibigan ko hindi ako sobrang makwento paano pa kaya sa iba?

pangatlo, parang nde masaya.

nde ko alam kung nasa aken lng 'to. pro iba talga dte - ang maria.

(hey, kung may taga-maria man na ngbabasa nito i hope ur saying - yeah! hehe..)

siguro wala lng talaga akong ka-block na sobrang kasundo ko. ok, don't get me wrong.

i like my friends, pro its just not that.

i mean, besides having ur group, there's so much more to that.

'tska iba paglahat ng tao sa room madaling makasundo. nde tulad ngayon, sobrang nahihirapan akong makarelate sa ibang tao. siguro dahil iba lang talaga hilig nila o hilig ko?

i guess i just miss people who i can talk to about whatever i wanna talk about.

or people i can relate to not just about school stuffs but some other stuffs.

kaya ako nagsisisi. minsan iniisip ko kung bakit nagsettle nalang kagad ako sa uste.

kung bakit ako putakteng hindi nagtest sa DLSU kahit ayaw ko dun.

kung bakit puro Hrm ang pinaglalagay kong first choice eh pwede namang interior design o kaya architechture. bakit ngayon ko lang naisip na gusto ko pa lng mag-archi?!

ang tanga tanga ko talaga. isipin mo naman, dte pa lang ang hilig ko ng gumawa-gawa ng layout ng bahay pero Hrm kinuha ko?! na mahilig ako sa linya kesa sa ano mang freehand? na ayoko ng kahit anong science! at ang corny sa educ! para pang PNU ang uniform!

sana talaga pinagisipan ko muna bago ko ginawa.

kce naman, bata pa lang ako, sinasabe na sa akin na "ay, Hrm kukunin mo sa college" - only because when i was younger, i enjoyed baking stuffs unlike my cousins. argh! kainis talaga!

siguro dahil dun, akala ko bagay na sa akin 'un. na un na talaga gusto ko.

kce una, nde namn nila ako dte pinipilit magluto, pro gusto ko.

nde ko naisip na hindi lang un ang hilig ko.

pro siguro kung iba rin 'un mga tao. o kung ano man ang naimagine ko eh ganun na nga,siguro tanggap na tanggap ko 'to ngayon. pero hinde.

wala akong makausp tungkol sa OC, o kaya sa Tree Hill (or c jen na wala na rin ngaun)

or sa Amazing race or Survivor. wala.

ung karamihan naman ng pinapanood nila, nde ko pinapanood.

kung sana, ganoon kadali baguhin ng natapos na.
o kaya hindi nakapanghihinayang ang panahon at pera.
siguro wala na ako ngayon sa educ.
siguro nakapagshift na ako ngayon sa interior design sa CFAD.
o kaya kahit papaano man lang, naghanap ako ng ibang pwedeng choices.

ewan.

ang alam ko lang ako ay isang dakilang tanga.

Mr.&Mrs. Smith

2005-06-11T21:21:00.000+08:00

ok, swearing never works for me.

i SWORE not to watch Mr. & Mrs. Smith since i clearly thought that Jen&Brad Pitt is such a perfect couple and Angelina Jolie torn that thought apart.

But uHm,, it was good.

i dunno why. maybe because of Mr. Smith's crazy antics or just two 'hot' creatures killing each other apart, wrecking their perfect home and just end up kissing and uhh,, having sex at the end.

but that was not the end.

PANOORIN NYO NALANG.

blogging na walang katapusan

2005-06-05T21:42:00.000+08:00

what's your inner flower?
[c] sugardew

what flavor pocky are you?
[c] sugardew

misinterpreted.

2005-06-01T20:25:00.000+08:00

i dont wanna be misinterpreted.

if i am being friendly, it just means that i feel that ur not fitting in.

if i am being jolly, it means that i feel ur feeling lonely.

i only do things 'extra' when i feel that it is needed.

naturally, i am dull.

tahimik.

NR.

at walang pakialam sa mga hindi ko kakilala.

but when people are doing the same thing as i do, I DO THE OPPOSITE.

i dunno, its me.

if people who are naturally extra friendly are not being one, i am the one who does.

if people who are naturally jolly, are being sad, I HAVE TO BE THE ONE.

............................

a part of it maybe because i feel that everyone has to have a consolation. its unfair to let a loner be a loner forever or an unfit individual be unfit for the rest of his/her life

...........................

i just like being uncommon (if there is such a word). baka nga ganoon.

i like to defy what other people do, cause i dont wanna be like other people.

..................................

i dont know if people notice this to be me. pro totoo 'to.

many times, when i console other people of being left out, later, i am the one who ends up being left out by them.

.............................................

pasukan nanaman

2005-05-31T17:04:00.000+08:00

bat gnon, pag malapit ng magpasukan prang kinakain lagi oras mo?

prang bawat segundo, minuto, oras, ang bilis mawala.

nakakainis.

ayaw ko ng ganitong feeling

parang may gusto kang hawakan pero nde mo laging naabutan.

and bilis mawala. biglaan.

ouh dba parang kanta ng 6cyclemind (na may vocalist na mahilig sa jersey pants - or kung ano mang tawag dun)

ayaw ko pang pumasok. ayaw kong gumising na maaga. at ayaw ko pang magenroll sa friday!

.............................................................................................

may bago pla akong telepono. nde na tlga bago kce mga 2 linggo n sken un. pro bago pren dhel bago. hai ang labo. n3230 khet ayaw ko tlga ng nokia. walang kwenta kce smart.. ang limited ng inooffer na models. eh libre ng un sa account ng mama ko. kya un. mas masaya cguro ko kung motorola nkuha ko. kso ung motorola dun ung e398(dream phone ko dte) eh sbrang tlgal ng renlease un. kya yaw ko na nun. tpos motorazor nman magaadd pa.. kya nokia.

pagod.

2005-05-29T20:08:00.000+08:00

bakit ba halos lahat ng bakla gwapo?

bakit ung mga magagaling magdala ng damit, mga malilinis sa katawan at mga may itsura kailangan maging bading?!

bakit hindi nalang ung mga panget ang naging mga bakla?

nag-proctor ako kanina at kahapon rin pla sa mga magttake ng local nursing exam this june, sa totoo lng, lahat ng nakikita ko sanang may potential, mga bading. sayang. ung mga patapon ang itsura, un ung lalaki. kaya nawawalan ng mga magaganda at gwapong lahi ang mundong ito eh... ung mga karapatdapat na magkaroon ng anak, bading.

pagod ako at ang sakit ren ng legs ko.. dahil nagtrabaho ako. ang saklap pag kailangan mong pagtrabahuan ang pera. nakakapagod.

Harvest Moon

2005-05-23T00:02:00.000+08:00

i have another addiction : Harvest Moon.

i played it at PS1 before - got used to it and over it - now, its back (only now in VisualBoyAdvance)

if u have no idea of what the heck im talking about, try google-ing it. or better, try playing it.

its like sims but in a different way. u'll have a farm which u'll have to handle in able to earn. u can get married to a girl of ur choice (there is only boy char). u can celebrate with their festivities.. and etc. and u can also have a child pala!

what made this better (compare to sims) was u can get around town anytime u want.

basta try it na lang!

survivor palau

2005-05-16T21:55:00.000+08:00

Tom was the SOLE Survivor.

ganoon pa man... i still CRUSH Ian!

at naiinggit ako kay katie. pinaiyak nya c ian. (nde ako naiinggit sa kanya dhel pinaiyak nya ha)

naiinggit ako dahil they are rumored to be together(allegedly dhel sa pagiyak ni ian)!

kaso nga lang, ian is thinner than a girl. maspayat pa cya kay katie. Crush ko pa ren cya! haha!

(mas ok payat sa mataba)

this country

2005-05-16T11:03:00.000+08:00

if Filipinos only work with what they have and achieve more with it, i bet we would be a third world country no more.

but no, instead of working, we are complaining. instead of doing something, we are depending.

why do we always have to say something on everything?!

from how the president & her family lives their lives to who should represent our country on the seagames (amateurs or pros). it made me curious kung bakit laging may kontra. if before we are complaining why the hell we can't send pros, now they are complaining on why we are sending pros while others aren't. they can't seem to get enough of arguing. prang kailangan laging meron. pag walang pinag-aawayan, hindi pwede 'un, gagawa kami.

no wonder we got left living in the 60's while others progressed to the 21st century.

Korea, who used to be inspired with the kind of living we used to have got beyond with what we have. just look at the kind of movie production they have 'ala' hollywood.

is this the difference of being a democratic country from a communist?!

don't get me wrong, i have no intentions nor dreams in being in one communist country where u share and do what everybody does, but how come these countries got citizens who actually love where they came from and currently living in?! how come Filipinos can't have that kind of appreciation with their country?!

this would probably come out: "cno namang mag-aapreciate ng isang bansa na puro corrupt and officials?", "na walang ibang ginawa kung hindi magtaas ng presyo ng mga produkto?"

i would say this:

eh kung may ginagwa ka kaya pra hindi lang makakatulong sayo kundi pati na rin sa ginagalawan mo. kung nagtatrabaho kaya ang karamihan ng tao kaysa sa pag-iinuman sa kanto. kung imbis na pinaglilimus ang mga bata ng mga walang kwentang mga magulang nila ay binibigyan ng panohan na pag-aralin 'ung mga 'un. kung imbis na pagnanakaw ay naghahanap sila ng ibang paraan ng pagkakaitaan. kung ang mga artista na ito na walang ibang ginawa kung hindi i-promote ang kandidato nilang artista din ay ginagamit and impluwensya nila sa mas kapakipakinabang na paraan ng pagmumulat ng mga mata ng masa kung gaano kaimportante ang pag-aaral at hindi responsibilidad ng gobyerno ang pagpapakain sa kanila. na imbis na kung ano-ano ang inisponsor nila na mga sporting event, eh magtulong-tulong kaya sila na gumawa ng isang bagay na hindi lang sila ang makikinabang. kung sana naiisip ng mga maimpluwensyang tao na ito na karamihan sa mga nakatira dito ay naiimpluwensyahan nila - hindi lamang ang mga kapwa nila artista. na imbis na pagukulan nila ng broadcast time ang mga sexvideos ng mga "allegidly gay guys" (na sa totoo lang eh matagal na naming alam na bakla), eh gamitin kaya nila sa may kakwenta-kwentang info.

it may make you curious why the hell i have not addressed these many successful business men. why? GOD, it will take their business to brake apart before those would even consider lending some part of their billions. and politicians? people voted for them. if u freakin' know that he is corrupt and is spending ur supposed to be fortunes to his mistresses, the why the hell are u voting for him - or why the majority is?

none the less, we all have to do something.. starting with appreciating what we have and improving with it.

blogthings

2005-05-12T22:25:00.000+08:00

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

You Are a Prophet Soul

You are a gentle soul, with good intentions toward everyone.Selfless and kind, you have great faith in people.Sometimes this faith can lead to disappoinment in the long run.No matter what, you deal with everything in a calm and balanced way.
You are a good interpreter, very sensitive, intuitive, caring, and gentle.Concerned about the world, you are good at predicting people's feelings.A seeker of wisdom, you are a life long learner looking for purpose and meaning.You are a great thinker and communicator, but not necessarily a doer.
Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Jacko

2005-05-12T21:14:00.000+08:00

i was thinking..."what could have made Michael Jackson a child molester?"

nanghihinayang kasi ko cause he has such a great talent and he seems to be a nice person also,, all of that, means nothing to anybody now.

what girls and even guys used to scream & cry about before, is just a mere joke of everybody now.

he is really GUILTY? or these people are just up for his money(which i believe is all gone now)?

i pity him in both ways anyway.

no. i ain't no Jacko fan, but im in awe with his talent. who else has the voice & the moves all in one? and take note: he can perform simultaneously for hours and maintain the quality of his performance.

we were watching in dvd his concert in Europe last night, nagtataka kame kung bakit prang hindi siya napapagod. and even if he does, he still sang and danced just like his first song.

i makes me curious on what made him, what he is now. what could have happened to him..that he was never satisfied with his looks and all that...

btw, what do u think of my new layout?

superficial world

2005-05-10T11:38:00.000+08:00

i read my previous post regarding bondoc (finding out that she was able to read it and most likely her ka-on too).

i'm quoting it here:

yeah, anyway, i found Bondz bestfriend's blog. and uh, she hates jhann as much as i believe i do. so unfortunate for bondoc.. dhel walang sumusuporta sa babeh nya. (and for those who do, uh, like, ok, i dont wanna say anything)

i thought about it.. and no i do not hate jhann(how could i hate a person i do not even know?). i just don't like her effect on bondoc. i mean, if she really cares for her then she should put her in a position where she'll have a future(everybody has a future but not all are good).. dba? before she came joan was in a bad position when she came it became worst.

maybe na kay bondoc na talaga un. i dunno.. i am no one to know anyway.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

napagisip tuloy ako. bakit ko kaya gustong-gusto malagay si bondoc in such a fine life? true, kabarkada ko cya, pro i am no phy, ... nor everyone who i believe she is extremely close to.. who spends most of their time with her. bakit kaya?

isa pa, why do i speak of her so much in this blog?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

i live in the" stepford's wives" world. where everything & everyone act like whatever they should be. but the truth is, i am just blind. and the world i am living in is just superficial. no body is as perfect as we all thought could be. in one way or another we have a black spot.

even if i want my world to be as good as i can imagine.. i could not since i could not control people as much as i cannot control what may happen to me. the truth is we cannot take hold of what can happen tommorow...or what other people can do that would take part in our lives.

maybe i'll just have to stick with the saying that "everything happens for a reason"..

if something bad happens, it is for us to learn. if it is something good, it is a blessing.

*i hope people who cares for me read this blog..since i really find it hard to express myself*

quizzes

2005-05-06T17:52:00.000+08:00

since wala akong magawa...

Your Element is Wood

Your power colors: green and brown

Your energy: generative

Your season: spring

Like a tree, you are always growing and changing.
And while your life is dynamic, you are firmly grounded.
You have high morals and great confidence in yourself and others.
You have a wide set of interests, and you make for intersting company.What Element Are You?

Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

What's your personality love style?

from: QUIZBOX.COM

Here is the analysis:You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

What type of personality do you have?

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test79.aspx
Here is the analysis:
Kind and GentleYour kindness is your charm - you are also gentle and sweet. Everybody likes to be around people with your personality. Like a psychologist, people like to talk to you to discuss their problems because you are proper and discrete, as well as confident. You look mature and people respect you. People with this kind of character are few and far between.

Your Aura is Red

Your Personality: Self-confident and stunning, you live in the now! You love life and experience all it has to offer.

You in Love: You're a bit private and have trouble opening up. You need a secure guy who can deal with your independence.

Your Career: Your ideal job gives you a ton of control and concrete results. Consider being a chef, surgeon, or architect.
What Color Is Your Aura? Take This Quiz :-)
Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

totoo ba 'tong mga 'to?! hahaha... atleast i had something to do...

2005-05-05T11:48:00.000+08:00

Your Brain is 46.67% Female, 53.33% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Do I really think more like a male?! i reviewed the questions for like 5 times... and the male percentage is always dominant. the first one even said that i have a total boy brain! huh?! i don't think this thingy is acurate compare to that of the birthdate stuff. i guess its the misconception that boys are the insensitive one (which i am), the one who does not easily gets affected by other people's problem and so on (which i am again unless those people get me involed - which i hate). i don't like being involved. i always liked to be neutral. ung hindi kinaiinisan. ewan ko kung baket. pro ganun ako... i really hate the feeling when i know somebody hates me. hindi naman maiiwasan na minsan may mainis sken pro i dont want them to hate-hate me. ahhhgghhh.. ewan.

You Are 22 Years Old

22

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?